My Dating In the Dark Audition Transcript

We all know that Dating in the Dark (Daten In het Donker) is not only a great television show, but it's also incredibly inspirational. I managed to get through to the third call-backs for season three which you can find transcribed below.

Producer: So, why do you want to be featured on Dating in the Dark?

Brent: Um, love. Yeah, love mostly. Like, I'm always being judged based on my appearance and not on my inner me. Like ladies yeah, I know, hot on the outside, probably a bad boy on the inside, but hey, don't like jump to conclusions alright? There's so much more to me than my abs.

P: Alright, sounds good. Just give Jill your number on the way out you sound like an ideal contest....

B: It's certainly not because I'm balding and that in pitch darkness girls could not see my hairline. It's mainly the stuff about abs and love.

P: You do know that at the end of the episode the girl you choose will get to see you in the light right? Trying to hide your male pattern baldness won't work for that long.

B: How long is it until the reveal?

P: Typically three or four dates.

B: Well I could still get quite a bit done in three dates if you know what I mean......do you know what I mean?

P: Not really....and if you get physical with a contestant won't she be able to feel your bald head?

B: Not if I'm standing on my hands..

P: Uhhhhhh.

B: Wait! I have a way to improve your game. One word: blind contestants! Dating in the Dark.....Forever. And then for the reveal you'll put an attractive mannequin head with hair for them to feel and a tape recorder inside with my voice talking about how blindness is great and that new sight granting surgeries are dangerous and unproven.

P: Yeah actually, don't worry about leaving your numb....

B: Wait, my voice is pretty grating, in that people tell me it sounds like running steel wool over a cheese grater. So, four more words: Blind and deaf contestants! And they just have to marry me and you pay for their caretaker and teach them about water and they are hot and like me. I call it: Dating in the Dark....Forever, And Also the Dark is Soundproof.

The producer got kind of off-topic from there, but all in all I think it went well. I haven't heard anything yet, but in the time waiting I've become suspicious that they will put me on regular Dating in the Dark instead of DITD...FAATDIS.

So I've stolen Ryan's tranny defense technique and applied it thusly: I will yell "HEADS UP" and chuck a softball at my date. If she can hear me, and/or can catch the ball I will be fairly certain she is neither blind or deaf.

CHECK ME OUT THIS SUMMER ON ABC! THURSDAY NIGHTS AT 9 PM EASTERN WHICH IS 8 PM CENTRAL FOR THOSE OF YOU TRAPPED IN WINNIPEG.

Fun Facts from Thailand!

I had a dream last night that I had to babysit my managers pet walrus and after tucking it into bed I read it some stories from this blog. Upon waking up I was like “oh yeah…I have a blog, maybe I should write something in it once in awhile”

So without further ado, I give you Fun Facts from Thailand! As many of you imaginary readers know, I spent a couple of months in Thailand or as it is sometimes known “the land of Thai” many adventures were had and many lessons learned…

Fun fact #1: Asking a girl if she’s actually a man is maybe not the best thing in the world to do (though highly effective because an actual women will be highly offended). The actual number of ladyboys there is greatly exaggerated, but you can never be too careful especially after 28 hours of flying followed by mistakenly buying a 3 litre “tower of beer”. An effective (and less offensive way) of determining gender is asking them to throw a baseball (tough to find in Thailand) do they throw like a girl? If yes, then you’re probably ok!



Fun fact #2: Monkeys don’t care about you, sure they’re cute and all but they’re only using you for your delicious fruit based drink. Upon arriving in Railai, I did a little exploring and soon encountered a small group of monkeys, though they were shy at first eventually they came close and even began to climb on me. “Wow, I thought to myself, monkeys are awesome” and soon I had envisioned running away from home and joining these group of monkeys forever. Unfortunately the feeling wasn’t mutual, I soon discovered that these monkeys didn’t care about me and my feelings at all, I was just being used for my delicious fruit based drink and the mango peels in my backpack. Once they were gone so were the monkeys…


Fun Fact #3: Accidentally smoking opium while being lost in a jungle in northern Thailand is a really neat life experience, but maybe not the best idea in the world considering there are countless numbers of animals there that have nothing better to do than to kill you for fun with their exotic venoms.

Fun Fact #4: Trying to buy a pirated DVD of the movie ‘despicable me” in Bangkok is extremely difficult. Everyone will assume you are trying to buy porn, persistence is key…


I couldn't find any pictures I took that were related to that fun fact so here's another beach!!