Local Blog Writer Has Headline Submissions Rejected by Fake News Comedy Site For "Not Being Funny", Shows List to Imaginary Readers Instead

I hope you don't mind competition "Unnamed Stupid Website" because these zingers will certainly steal your entire readership and bankrupt your company and then you'll have to write applications to write for me. And then I'll be the bigger man and hire all of you and be nice.....for about a week just to get to know your darkest fears to use them against you, and also to get to know your significant others and sleep with them on your respective Anniversaries. Here's step one of that plan, unveil awesome headlines to world.

Leopard Changes Spots, Still Huge Jerk

Scientists Claim Global Warming To End Weather, Every Old Person In World Left With Nothing To Talk About

Stereotypical Asian Health Action Figure Company With Poor English Translation Skills Puzzled By Low Third Quarter Sales. Hope "A Doll Fit Lir! N" To Have Strong Hanukkah Season.

The Onion Lame, Brent's Headlines Totally Funny and Concise Claims Entire Worlds Population.

Guy Everyone Hates Ironically Murdered In Hate Crime

President of Kamchatka Shocked To Learn "Risk" Game Board Not Accurate World Map, Calls Purple Horses and Cannons Back From Irkutsk's Border

Local Man With Chris Hansen Fetish Disappointed To Find That 14 Year Old Boy In Speedo He Met Online Is Actually 14 Year Old Boy In Speedo

Onions Make People Cry Due to Sulfuric Acid, Or Mean Rejection Letters, Not Due To Laughter Like Brent Makes Us

Nigerian Prince Confused As Electronic Philanthropic Efforts Are Miserable Failure

Coyote Preys On Roadrunner in Front of California Primary School, Destroys Childhood Innocence.

Writing Every Word To Start With A Capital Letter Makes My Head Hurt, Maybe I Actually Wasn't Cut Out For This And Getting Shut Down Was A Blessing In Disguise

Local Blog Writer Quickly Rationalizes Rejection In An Attempt To Keep Soul From Getting Trampled At Losing Life Long Dream

Complete Level 34 Gemcraft Walkthrough (Subtitle): Now 10% More Helpful to Those in Germany

I have a confession guy who twice visited our blog from Munich, Germany....I don't know how to beat Level 34 on Gemcraft. I don't really know why our blog is so high on a Google search for "Level 34" Gemcraft. German word for sorry.

In fact, the truth is that I gave up on Gemcraft after Level One and then just got Pinkag to fake Brent-related Gemcraft glory with MS Paint. But hopefully this newer Brent-related Gemcraft ruse got you to spend more than the zero seconds you spent on our page last time around....and it would also be nice if it lifted us to number one on Google searches for "Level 34" gemcraft.

This post is the first in an entirely new direction for Ryanandbrent. I'm planning on focusing all of my content on the things that people from around the world use as search terms to randomly pull our page out of the morass of blue link thingies.

Well except for the guy from Nottingham, England who found us through a search for: 14 year old boys in speedos pics....I'm not quite desperate enough yet to purchase a Speedo, wax my body down to hairlessness, and then get Ryan to take pictures of me from the collar-bone down in a Brent-related Pedophile Ruse...although I'm probably closer to that desperation point than you'd think.

Anyway, let's cut to the chase...ATTENTION RANDOM PEOPLE FROM SUCH EXOTIC LOCALES AS KOREA, GERMANY, ENGLAND, THE UNITED ARAB EMIRATES AND NEWMARKET: Look if you're going to stumble upon our blog and find it completely does not suit the needs of what you searched for.... the least you could do is tell us we suck via comments.

To up the ante, I will only feed my new pal Goldy III on days when we receive comments about the 34th Level of Gemcraft from people in Munich.

How do you like that pal! Now not only are you stuck on Level 34 and mana-deprived with various monsters digitally scrolling closer and closer to the part where you lose, but you also now have a non-virtual-ticking-fish-death-starvation-bomb on your conscience as well. Not even the mighty Octagon gem can save you from that.

PS Build sufficient monster killing gems so that your gems kill all the monsters before they reach the end of the level.

Although to reiterate, the real monster you should be concerned with is the monster of "a lack of gratitude to Ryanandbrent." Or as you Munichites like to say "Das FishKillerin."

Sports Update: Olympic Version!!!

Since when are 14 year olds allowed in the olympics??? Not only is it making me feel bad that at age 23 I have yet to qualify for a single olympic event, let alone win a gold medal, but looking at a 14 year old boy in a speedo makes me feel like I'm doing something very wrong.

Also, this is synchronized diving, you can't have a 14 year old diving next to 26 year old. They shouldn't just dive the same, but they should look the same. If I were president of the olympics (is that a thing?) it would be a three tenth deduction if you don't look the same. Now I know what you're thinking...wouldn't that give a huge advantage to the asian and african american teams? Well yes, it would, but here's my thinking...the chinese are going to win anyways, and as we all know african americans can't swim.

speaking of racism...you know who's a racist? Hayley Wickenheiser. Now I already knew this because a google search of "Hayley Wickenheiser is a racist" came back with 440 hits. But last night while watching the canadian softball team vs chinese taipei (which for some reason she was a commentator for) she pointed out that the chinese taipei team looked tired....Now I guess she isn't used to seeing asians as hockey is the whitest sport in the world, but seriously, someone needs to tell her that's just how they look. I was half expecting her to comment that the reason they were having trouble hitting was because they were squinting.

oh...ok so apparently Hayley Wickenheiser played softball for canada during the 2000 olympics...which means that her comment wasn't ignorant, but just flat out racist...or perhaps they actually were tired. but either way I think this proves that Hayley Wickenheiser is a man.