Now I'm Confused

So, Ryan might not be dead.

Although I imagine our imaginary blog readers wouldn't be surprised if they found out that Ryan's been dead for two years!!!! Ba-zing-a! (This is a reference to his infrequent blog posts, not to his actual death, which is slightly less funny.)

But last week's blog post from his log-in showed that either Ryan is alive, or he gave my old vacation buddy Dave Jett his blog log password.

OR Dave Jett somehow guessed the answer to Ryan's secret password retrieval question.

Q: "Why do the taste of pennies remind you of losing a tooth?"
A: "Because my teeth are made of pennies."

Teeth references are great. Teeth, tooth, teeth. I think the best part about having children is yanking baby teeth out of their skulls. At least, that's what my Mom seemed to take most joy in.

Another reason I think Ryan might be secretly alive.....I saw him a few weeks back and we talked about his "trip" to "Thailand". And then we talked on the phone about the Raptors and the Blue Jays and Vernon Wells, and CJ's homework, and fake strawberry flavor, and how he's totally Bert and I am totally Ernie.

But the questions mount. If Ryan really went on a trip, why didn't he tell me beforehand or at least leave a note?

Did Ryan's sugar glider Mittsy really die of "starvation" or did Ryan sacrifice it to Chrolrotagar to regain life and spend all of eternity toiling as a zombie?

When I asked if I could have some of Ryan's blood, he asked "Why?" I think the fellow doth protest too much (Shakespeare reference, boo-yah!) Don't be soooo defensive, sounds like someone doesn't want me to test their blood for zombiecron levels.

THEN when I trained some mosquitoes to draw Ryan's blood while I distracted him with video games, Ryan murdered the mosquitoes with his hand! How many animals have to die so you can live on zomb-Ryan?

ALSO, Ryan was really bad at killing zombies in the zombie killing video game. This isn't really evidence of anything though, Ryan is also bad at crafting gems, fighting streets, and catchin' 'em all.

So...I'm Pretty the Best at Flight of the Hamsters

Photographic proof.

I challenge Ryan to beat this score so that I can then beat him again. I AM THE GREATEST

Complete Level 34 Gemcraft Walkthrough (Subtitle): Now 10% More Helpful to Those in Germany

I have a confession guy who twice visited our blog from Munich, Germany....I don't know how to beat Level 34 on Gemcraft. I don't really know why our blog is so high on a Google search for "Level 34" Gemcraft. German word for sorry.

In fact, the truth is that I gave up on Gemcraft after Level One and then just got Pinkag to fake Brent-related Gemcraft glory with MS Paint. But hopefully this newer Brent-related Gemcraft ruse got you to spend more than the zero seconds you spent on our page last time around....and it would also be nice if it lifted us to number one on Google searches for "Level 34" gemcraft.

This post is the first in an entirely new direction for Ryanandbrent. I'm planning on focusing all of my content on the things that people from around the world use as search terms to randomly pull our page out of the morass of blue link thingies.

Well except for the guy from Nottingham, England who found us through a search for: 14 year old boys in speedos pics....I'm not quite desperate enough yet to purchase a Speedo, wax my body down to hairlessness, and then get Ryan to take pictures of me from the collar-bone down in a Brent-related Pedophile Ruse...although I'm probably closer to that desperation point than you'd think.

Anyway, let's cut to the chase...ATTENTION RANDOM PEOPLE FROM SUCH EXOTIC LOCALES AS KOREA, GERMANY, ENGLAND, THE UNITED ARAB EMIRATES AND NEWMARKET: Look if you're going to stumble upon our blog and find it completely does not suit the needs of what you searched for.... the least you could do is tell us we suck via comments.

To up the ante, I will only feed my new pal Goldy III on days when we receive comments about the 34th Level of Gemcraft from people in Munich.

How do you like that pal! Now not only are you stuck on Level 34 and mana-deprived with various monsters digitally scrolling closer and closer to the part where you lose, but you also now have a non-virtual-ticking-fish-death-starvation-bomb on your conscience as well. Not even the mighty Octagon gem can save you from that.

PS Build sufficient monster killing gems so that your gems kill all the monsters before they reach the end of the level.

Although to reiterate, the real monster you should be concerned with is the monster of "a lack of gratitude to Ryanandbrent." Or as you Munichites like to say "Das FishKillerin."

So... I'm Pretty the Best At Gemcraft (Or How pinkag showed me how to use MS Paint)

Photographic proof.

At least as believable as that Bigfoot in a bucket of ice.

If only I had a costume and lots and lots of ice...I could be famous as well.

(Or how pinkag showed me how to make a blue link thing.)

Disaster + Time + Cookies = Fun

I was going to make a post entitled "So...I'm Pretty the Best at Gemcraft." Inside which I would regale everyone how I was at level 91 and I would have a photo with MS-Paint doctored proof to back up my claims.

But I didn't, because I am a good person.

And also three pairs of similar entries in a row is about three too many....and I don't really know how to use MS Paint to follow through with that plan, and I wouldn't have been able to keep my post about Gemcraft as delightfully ramble-free as Ryan did.

Side note: When did being rambly or random become good things? A rambling post about a non-existent response post about levelship in a free online game to an imaginary readership is probably not the best place to make this point.

ANYWAY,

I was driving to town the other day when I caught sight of this of some commotion out of the corner of my eye.

Some girls soccer team was having a fundraiser by the lake and a bake-sale was the main attraction.

I would've eaten some delicious cookies myself but the line was like a hundred people long and it cost $5 per baked item. I also wouldn't have been able to have anyone take a picture of my face as it registered disgust, as they were selling giant cookies....Titanic sized-cookies if you will. So to register this fact they made the cookies boat-shaped and decorated them like the Titanic.

I would also like a picture of myself flopping the the lake, freezing cold and about to sink in the icy blue waves, while enjoying the tasty treat.

These cookies doesn't go far enough, children should be able to eat, and laugh and also play on all sorts of different types of human tragedy. Water parks should be full of Hindenburgs that burst and splash children with water, the Tangiwai Langhi would make an even better slide than the boring old Titanic, and way more people died in that which of course equals way more fun.
Anyone for Branch Davidian Brownies?

Look, I even restrained myself from making a Twin Towers/Drop-Zone type reference.
It'll still be like forty years before such an attraction will be fun.

Sports Update: Continued Use of Confusingly Similar Blog Entries Enrage Nonexistent Readership

Booked the day off of not watching the Jays yesterday to watch the Jays (unless of course you read this blog Swayne, in which case, I was not watching the Jays). I think this showed great dedication on my part, especially after the ninth inning meltdown the night prior.

This dedication was rewarded as I was granted the news scoop of the century.

Dateline- Arlington Texas

'Tis the sixth inning of a back and forth Jays-Rangers game, Michael Young hits a dangerous curving shot to deep right field, Jays RF Brad Wilkerson leaps at the wall.

Despite this fans best intentions Wilkerson was able to make the catch (trap the ball on the wall)
and bring the Jays one out closer to sweet, sweet victory..

..wait a minute.

This fan looks strangely familiar.











Really Bartman? That was the best you could do? Move to Texas, change what side of the field you interfere on, stop listening to the games on the radio, and grow a horrendous disguise beard?

At the very least he does look much happier in his new locale.

WE INTERRUPT THIS SPORTS UPDATE WITH A FASHION UPDATE:

Look, if you're going to wear a baseball glove to the game there is a simple rule...you have to be under 13 years old. If you're going to make yourself look like a fool the least you could do would be to change which arm you wear your watch on. Am I right ladies? For shame Bartman, for shame.

So yeah, I found Bartman. I am the best.

With this groundbreaking blog entry posted, and the news broken, I expect tons of media attention for finally locating Bartman. It wasn't easy but I did it.

I reach Level 34 in Gemcraft...the cause of my long delay between blog entries.