Lies!

Dear Imaginary Readers,

I can't sit idly by and let you be sucked into Brent's web of lies, it's time the truth about his latest post be revealed. I know this will devastate many of you, like finding out that your favourite athlete was on steroids...but the truth must come out.

Brents flight of the hamster record was not attained on skill alone...it was aided....by photoshop!

I know what you're thinking..."Ryan these are some pretty serious accusations, what proof to do you have?"

well my friends, lets take a closer look at the picture shall we???

(I would usually add in the picture here but seriously it's one post down, just slightly scroll down...there ya go)

evidence #1: Everyone knows that Brent loves window's Vista....and yet here he is using Windows 7? A little odd isn't it?

evidence #2 Why is windows live hotmail open in another tab? Brent doesn't use hotmail...

evidence #3 Everything is exactly the same as in my picture except the numbers, and isn't his girlfriend majoring in photoshop at school?

evidence #4 I'm way more talented at flight of the hamsters than Brent...just the fact that his score was higher should be evidence of cheating.

So what now???

well my friends, I'm afraid that Brent is looking at some serious jail time...you can't lie on the internet.

The Anti Jared: Part 2

I know, I know...I haven't been on here in awhile, but we don't all have the luxury of working a 9-5 job in downtown Toronto, some of us are busy...just yesterday I played flight of the hamsters for like 3 hours trying to break my record (mission accomplished) and then I had to go to baseball

life is crazy right now...

So what brings me back you ask? Well imaginary readers the truth is after reading Brents touching and informative piece "The Ant Jared" I thought I should share something with you...

I too have battled with weight problems.

While Brent brought up some interesting ideas on weight loss, I'd like to share with you some scientifically proven and healthier ways to help you imaginary readers achieve your goals...

1) Capsaicin: What is that you ask? it's the active ingredient found in hot peppers that makes food spicy. It's also been shown to increase metabolism in humans in addition to a myriad of other benefits. My recommendation, replace bottled water with bottles of hot sauce.

2) Smoking: It's been proven by science that smoking helps curb your appetite, less appetite means less food in your stomach, and ultimately less calories. Not a fan of smoking? that's fine, appetite loss is a side effect of all tobacco products! So head on down to your local convenience store, pick up some chewing tobacco, and let science take over. And if you're really serious about weight loss go ahead and swallow a little...I personally guarantee you will not be eating for a while. which leads nicely into my final tip...

3) Cancer: You know, Cancer gets a bad rap a lot of the time, I mean sure it's potentially fatal, but people often overlook the benefits, mainly weight loss. While the cancer cells slowly destroy your body from the inside out, you'll be laughing on your way to buy a whole new wardrobe!

Well my friends, I hope this helps, and in the meantime, I'll leave you with this...



seriously, I am awesome at this game....