Foolproof

I spend an exorbitant amount of time planning ways to escape situations that will never happen to me.

For instance while I was in public school I often thought about how I would handle it if liquid magma seeped under the door while I was in the bathroom.

My plan was to hop up on the weird hand-washing fountain thing Crossland PS had. Up there I would just wait until the lava hardened and then I could waltz my way out of the school and over the charred remains of my schoolmates. I would get the added benefit that the motion sensing fountain would cool my ankles with refreshing water as I waited.

This all assumes that lava can't melt plastic, and that its radiant heat could be withstood by sprinklings of ankle water. I'm pretty sure that I read somewhere that both of those facts are true.

Seriously, how do people manage to die unnaturally? Tornado? Run away from it.
World War I? Don't get shot. Cancer? Just don't get it.

If the world was entirely populated by me things would be different, the population would be 10 billion, pro sports would be in shambles, and asexual reproduction would be the rage.

One day perhaps.