R.A. Dickey is My Second Favorite Knuckleballer

I have a baseball pitcher/punching related hypothesis, hence the totally appropriate pitcher picture accompaniment.

It's double appropriate as the Rays and Red Sox have started their first series since this brawl.

My favorite part of this picture is how from this angle it totally looks like James Shields is connecting with this punch.

Shouldn't pitchers be awesome at punching stuff? Their whole job involves whipping their arm to maximum velocity, which would seem to dovetail with punching stuff nicely.

But brawls have shown us time and time again that most pitchers flail and miss wildly like Mr. Shields, or turn sideways and fall over a la Pedro Martinez. Or how about that time blog-tributor Ryan got kneed in the face? Remember that? (Sidenote: Ryan you can't get on me for not helping you in that fight, I got punched in the face, you can however blame Garnett, or Kyle who has proven quite clearly he is a liability when drinking)

To test my hypothesis I want to go to a bar that has one of those sweet punching bag games to see if punching from the pitching wind-up generates more force, and also to play that stacking blocks game because it is fun and last time I was this close to winning a mini-IPod (WSIPOD).

After the results become public knowledge I imagine pitchers will at least try the pitching windup power punch when charged, I mean even if it misses everyone jumps in so fast it won't matter.

Everyone except RA Dickey that is, both because knuckleball pitchers don't get charged too often, and also because his windup is slow, girlish looking, and balk inducing. Go Jays.

Addendum: My predicted Rance Mulliniks response to being asked to party with the DoodleBops was awkward silence, sadly I was incorrect.

The Worlds' Biggest I-Pod (A Photo Essay)

My I-Pod no longer will load new material onto it. It's quite traumatic for me as I mainly use it to listen to podcasts and thus have a constant need for new sustenance, it's like a personal auditory IV drip.

I however have come up with a new solution, I haven't patented it yet, but I call it "The Worlds' Biggest I-Pod." And now for the first time ever here is photographic evidence of its design splendor.



Quite a beaut isn't she? Just like an I-Pod it plays all the music and podcasts I desire. And its battery power lasts for a couple hours, plenty of time to get to the gym and back.

There is a downside I hadn't considered however. While walking downstairs in the witching hour with my WBIPOD I became blinded. The WBIPOD has a much brighter display than a RSIPOD (regular sized) and it doesn't automatically turn off after a few seconds. I couldn't see the steps in front of me, even with tentative baby steps I became unsteady and almost fell to my doom.

I put the ungodly memory behind me long enough to recreate the chilling tableau.

(DRAMATIC RECREATION)

As you can see I am blinded by the light.
I was going to make the area surrounding me dark to indicate that it was nighttime. But it turns out I have no idea how to use the fill-in tool in MS paint.

As such there is a helpful ghost (Mortimer) there to remind you that it is very dark apart from the screen on my WBIPOD.




(DRAMATIC RECREATION BASED ON ACTUAL EVENTS)

Oh no!

I am cut open on the chin and even after falling the WBIPOD is still shining in my eyes, giving me no respite from everlasting day.

On the plus side, the WBIPOD is still trucking, it appears no worse for wear after my almost trip headfirst down the stairs.


Despite its weaknesses at night I am still very pleased with my WBIPOD during the day and as a workout tool.

Here I am coming home from a run, headband in place and bandage on my horrific wound.

(Full disclosure: I tried to take my WBIPOD to the local gym to get pictures of me shooting hoops and having fun. But since my brother isn't a member he couldn't get in and I had to ask a staff member to take my picture.
Following questions of "wait, what are you doing?" And statements of "No, we don't allow picture taking in here, we've had problems with people taking pictures of children." I was forced to return home, alone, and defeated, and pictureless.)

When everyone has a WBIPOD and I am famous they'll be begging me to come back and take a picture at their gym.

You'll see.