Ask Brent! A Ryanandbrent German Gemcraft Related Mailbag

Threatening to kill my fish didn't do it. Appealing to your Kyle(and friends of Kyle) murdering sensibilities didn't do it either. But by god I'll find a way to get all of you Gemcraft-loving Germans to give back to this blog that has given you so much. I thought you guys loved killing living beings, but I guess this is the first time stereotypes have ever proven to be false.

GERMAN STEREOTYPE 2: They love recognition. It's a fact. To take advantage of this proven fact, and ironically to continue my pathetic pandering for comments (maybe I'm part German) I've decided to respond to every comment we get from Germany with a post in mailbag format.

That's right Fritz, after you go to google.de, search for Gemcraft tips and find this award nominated blogs (We're up for best new blog in the 2009 Bloggies!) all you need to do is comment and I will answer your burning questions.

Ever wanted to know why I was unjustly banned from the Ray Twinney Complex? Or if I think a tornado could really pluck all the feathers off of a chicken? Well then just ask German word for friend, and get all the attention and warmth your murderous sprees and detached father couldn't provide.

As fate would have it our good German friend Martin Vee left me the following mailbag question on January 7th on the post "So...I'm Pretty Good at Gemcraft."

Dear Brent, (added by editor)

Martin Vee said...

... but I'm not impressed. You're using Internet Explorer. :)

Seriously, you're good! I'm almost done with the game, but I haven't reached level 40... then again, I don't have as much glowing frames as you do.

Hmm... Should try to get 'em all.

January 7, 2009 8:15 AM

Your fan, Martin Vee (added by editor)


Great question Martin! One we get all the time. Ryan and I first met in 1990 when I moved two doors down from his house, and we were forced to become friends because we were the same age. Thanks for writing, hope everything is going well in Frankfurt.

Your idol, Brent.

Tweens Freak Out Over American Idol Results | Viral | SPIKE.com

I'll be honest with you...I made fun of these girls at first. But then I started thinking...this is exactly my reaction if the Blue Jays were in the World Series, Game 7, Bottom of the 9th, up by 1, and B.J. Ryan were to give up a game winning home run.

Just replace these 12 year old girls wearing David Archuletta shirts, with grown men, decked out in Blue Jays apparel (and possibly sporting playoff beards) and you pretty much have the idea...The only difference being that after we were done crying and my mom had tried to console us, we would most likely have gone on a rampage involving heavy drinking, breaking things, and a poorly thought out plot to murder B.J. Ryan, which likely would end up with us in Jail.

After closer inspection of this video, I'm not sure all of these girls share the genuine devastation felt by the girl in the middle. I'm talking about you girl on the far right with the generic "american idol" shirt, and overweight girl in the back who was probably only invited because her mom is friends with the other girls moms.

Look...girl on the right pretends to be shocked at first, but soon after is actually smiling, I think we have a closet David Cook fan on our hands (don't worry girl on the right, I am too, he's so dark and dreamy) And as for overweight girl...her loud screams are clearly only a failed attempt at trying to fit in with these girls. perhaps a more effective method would be to stop eating so much...maybe go the gym every now and then.

Problem Solving

Dammit Brent! i wanted the first post of 2009...You can only imagine my disappointment after logging on last night to write my "first blog of 2009" entry, only to find your post about kyle standing closer to fires. And while I do agree with your stance, I have to pretend to be nice to kyle for the next 8 days because he invited me to the raps game next Sunday.

Fortunately A new problem arose yesterday that was blog worthy...

Ever since we moved into our little downtown apartment, we've had a host of minor problems...radiators not working, radiators working too well, no hot water, clogged drains, etc... and we always just assumed it was because it was an old building...until yesterday.

yesterday my lovely roomate was diagnosed with shingles, (a disease that as far as I knew, was only for old people) how could this happen? It was then i realized the only explanation for all these problems was that we had a ghost. A radiator breaking, hot water hogging, shingles giving ghost.

At the same time I was becoming increasingly concerned with global warming...which is when I thought to myself "what if there was a way to solve both these problems?" And at that very moment the idea struck me...Ghost Power!!!

unlike many forms of energy currently in use, ghost power is a 100% clean source of energy. In addition to this it is completely renewable and powerful. did you know that one medium sized ghost can provide enough energy to power a small city for 17 days?

As an added bonus, houses that were previously unsellable due to haunting concerns now skyrocket in value, ending the real estate crisis in the states, and thus ending the depression.

And there you have it...global warming, the depression, and my apartment concerns all solved with one solution.

Several Reasons Why Kyle Should Stand Nearer to Fires

1) Ooh that's nice and toasty isn't it? Especially on such a blustery winter's eve, am I right Kyle?

2) Yeah, I actually got it started right before you got here that's why it's so nice. Everyone knows the best part of a fire is the second fifth, after the newspaper is burnt but before perfect Kyle-singeing.....I mean marshmallow roasting time.

3) How did I learn to start such great fires? Oh, I don't know, a little something called Survivorman. Did you know that all you need to start a blaze is some hard work, a little know how, several matches, newspaper, wood, gasoline, a fire pit, and a barbeque lighter after neither matches nor a regular lighter work?

4) Oh no! I dropped my very special locket that my Grandmother from Croatslavia gave to me on....ummm....my deathbed. Kyle, won't you be a dear and turn your back to me, bend over and pick it up? It fell right past that switch that activates the trap-slide into the fire.

5) What? Oh, silly me! You're right that is a Tamagotchi not the locket that Gramma-got-me!!!! Do you get it? Haha! Also that response was completely spontaneous and not a planned out joke in case you figured out my planned out ruse of dropping a Japanese electronic pet within pushing distance of the fire.

6) Hmm, this fake-locket Tamagotchi has a really long strap attached to it...that's weird. Look at how it swings back and forth in time with my voice. Follow it with your eyes Kyle, trace its path back and forth and back and forth and back and forth. And each time it goes your eyes get heavier and heavier. Heavier and back and forth and heavier and back and forth. When I stop talking you will love walking into fire and then not moving. Not walking into fire and not moving will cause you severe stabbing pain. And there are several nostalgic moments from your childhood in the fire as well, and ummm...you have very tactile memories or something that are good for touching...dammit I'm losing it....pull it together Brent.....what did the rest of that "Impress Your Friends with Hypnosis and Then Murder Them While They're Blinded With Being Impressed" pamphlet say? Great he's waking up. What Kyle? Oh yes, dramatic yawn, I am sleepy now as well. Let's get ready for bed I've brought copious amounts of covers this time.

7) Well, I'm ready to get into my jams what about you Kyle? Get those paint-encrusted pants off and let me slide on these PJs I got you. They are a little wet though, I accidentally drug them through nail polish remover multiple times. Come on Kyle, off with those pants.

8) Kyle, wait, come back....I'm not trying to seduce you, I swear! I'm trying to set you on fire for that time we slept together in Guelph and you were a covers-hog! As the Torah says an eye for an eye

FIN

(EDITOR'S NOTE: After reading this over I saw that my pushing Kyle into a fire and laughing as he burned could be interpreted as being an approving nod to the furnaces in Concentration Camps since Kyle is Jewish and I am a renowned member of the National Socialist German Workers Party. This is not the case. This pre-meditated murder is directed as hate speech against Kyle and Kyle alone, he is so scrawny he wouldn't even burn that nicely. This is also very clearly fiction as if I really wanted to burn Kyle I wouldn't need to fool him. I would just overpower him with my relative manstrength. In addition, only very recently did I discover that the National Socialist German Workers Party had an anti-semitic platform, I only joined because I hate homosexuals, Jesse Owens, and the Treaty of Versailles. Until next time "Hail Victory.")

Complete Level 34 Gemcraft Walkthrough (Subtitle): Now 10% More Helpful to Those in Germany

I have a confession guy who twice visited our blog from Munich, Germany....I don't know how to beat Level 34 on Gemcraft. I don't really know why our blog is so high on a Google search for "Level 34" Gemcraft. German word for sorry.

In fact, the truth is that I gave up on Gemcraft after Level One and then just got Pinkag to fake Brent-related Gemcraft glory with MS Paint. But hopefully this newer Brent-related Gemcraft ruse got you to spend more than the zero seconds you spent on our page last time around....and it would also be nice if it lifted us to number one on Google searches for "Level 34" gemcraft.

This post is the first in an entirely new direction for Ryanandbrent. I'm planning on focusing all of my content on the things that people from around the world use as search terms to randomly pull our page out of the morass of blue link thingies.

Well except for the guy from Nottingham, England who found us through a search for: 14 year old boys in speedos pics....I'm not quite desperate enough yet to purchase a Speedo, wax my body down to hairlessness, and then get Ryan to take pictures of me from the collar-bone down in a Brent-related Pedophile Ruse...although I'm probably closer to that desperation point than you'd think.

Anyway, let's cut to the chase...ATTENTION RANDOM PEOPLE FROM SUCH EXOTIC LOCALES AS KOREA, GERMANY, ENGLAND, THE UNITED ARAB EMIRATES AND NEWMARKET: Look if you're going to stumble upon our blog and find it completely does not suit the needs of what you searched for.... the least you could do is tell us we suck via comments.

To up the ante, I will only feed my new pal Goldy III on days when we receive comments about the 34th Level of Gemcraft from people in Munich.

How do you like that pal! Now not only are you stuck on Level 34 and mana-deprived with various monsters digitally scrolling closer and closer to the part where you lose, but you also now have a non-virtual-ticking-fish-death-starvation-bomb on your conscience as well. Not even the mighty Octagon gem can save you from that.

PS Build sufficient monster killing gems so that your gems kill all the monsters before they reach the end of the level.

Although to reiterate, the real monster you should be concerned with is the monster of "a lack of gratitude to Ryanandbrent." Or as you Munichites like to say "Das FishKillerin."

Brent and Ryan Only Third Most Prominent Ryan and Brent on Internet

It says so right on Google....lowly, lowly, third place on a "Ryan and Brent" Google search. Third out of 8,480 is not too bad I guess, but that is a lot of Ryan and Brents. To avoid any possible confusion, here's a quick primer of the Ryan and Brents we are not.

Fake Ryan and Brent 1 (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8BjuG-Zrt4M)

WE ARE NOT two guys who have pinned their dreams of stardom on hoping that a girl being almost as hot as a real celebrity will overcome the fact that she can't sing or act or remember the words to her song or have a normal name. "Better Off" Miaa Rose? Really? Well I need to take this "Sweater Off" because I am on fire with all of the putdowns I just used on you and your so-called Ryan and Brent. And you should do the same as you have been severely verbally burned. And then I will put my Sweater back on as the door to my tiny balcony keeps coming open and it's cold in my tiny apartment.

It is shocking how similar we look to that Ryan and Brent though....

Fake Ryan and Brent 2 (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1_mjtj-Z18s)

Sigh. WE ARE NOT these guys either. How is this more entertaining than Pokemon Hamlet?.....alright bad example. You know what FR&B2? If using puppets to do a cover of a thirty year old Muppets piece is what it takes to make it to the almost top...well then I guess I'll settle for being number three, since I have a little something called comedic standards.
(Please ignore Pokemon Hamlet)
www.ebay.ca/search/funnierthanotherryanandbrentpuppets. Dammit, zero results, NO! Why did I cut and paste that url here! Oh man, and both my backspace and delete buttons are broken. It's like working on a typewriter here. A typewriter that for some reasons thinks those awful puppets are better than me. And a typewriter that saves my brothers past indiscretions for all eternity.

So those are the only two more famous Ryan and Brents out there....but of the thousands of other losers these are my favorite. WE ARE NOT this Ryan and Brent, but oh how I wish we were. (http://www.200b.org/images/ryanwed/) A photogallery of Ryan's wedding to Lindsay! Brent gets dressed for the wedding in a WalMart parking lot. Ryan gets married in a gymnasium, Brent wears khakis and a plaid shirt. Ryan and Brent are Chicago Bears Superfans with matching custom jerseys, Ryan is awkwardly out of place at a bar, Oh Evansville, Illinois Ryan and Brent, so much like us......Seriously, there's even a Kyle in there. Wait! www.200b.org has it's own website, subtitled "Six Crazy Guys, One Crazy Apartment".

Nothing says crazy guys inhabiting a crazy apartment quite like making signs reminding roommates to clean up, or a photogallery of Ryan and Brent fighting, or even Ryan using gravy as shampoo. It must be a Ryan and Brent thing since these guys look exactly like us as well.

And to sum up the rest of the losers, this Ryan and Brent are NOT members of Hellafied Funk Crew, a live hardcore hip-hop band, editors of The FutureStock Review, the founding members of Panic! At The Disco, or avid cyclists, who have logged thousands of miles on two wheels, and whose vision is to revolutionize cycling apparel as we know it.

Come to think of it, since our readership is almost entirely composed of imaginary people, our standing is probably much higher on the leading imaginary search engine: √(-1)

That is the nerdiest joke in the history of time. I think spending all this time reading about Evansville Brent has somehow caused my brain to meld with his. I'm struggling to distinguish my own memories from his khaki-tinted ones. Oh well, good thing I look awesome in plaid. Congrats on the nuptials Ryan!

The Viridian City Pokemon Players Present: The Tragedy of Hamlet, Prince of Denmark

ACT IV SCENE II. Another room in the castle.

Enter HAMLET

HAMLET

Safely stowed.

ROSENCRANTZ: GUILDENSTERN:

[Within] Pikachu! Pika-Pika!

HAMLET

What noise? who calls on Hamlet?
O, here they come.

Enter ROSENCRANTZ and GUILDENSTERN

ROSENCRANTZ

Pikachu, Pikaaaaachu!!!

HAMLET

Um, I assume you're asking me what I did with the dead body? Well, I compounded it with dust, whereto 'tis kin.

ROSENCRANTZ

Pikachuuuuuuuuuuuuu, Pika!!!

(A lightning bolt erupts from Rosencrantz' tail, it singes the curtains and gives children in the first two rows seizures.)

HAMLET

(Whispered) Seriously, what's going on, Guildernstern pick up the slack for Rosencrantz.

Guildenstern! The body is with the king, but the king is not with
the body. The king is a thing--

GUILDENSTERN

Jigglypuff jiggaly puff. Jiggaly jigglypuff. Jiggly Jiggly. Jigglypuff Jigglypuff Jigglypuff Jigglypuff.

HAMLET

Forget this, I'm poisoning myself early.

A dead march. Exeunt, bearing off the dead bodies; after which a peal of ordnance is shot off

AND SCENE....

Remember When Ryan Used To Post Things About Stuff...

Yeah that was pretty sweet...

Well not to worry readers! I'm back! and in my blogging absence (blogsence?) I've stockpiled story upon story that will thrill you beyond your wildest dreams...In the coming weeks you can expect such fantastic stories as..

that time i tried to scare a group of canadian geese only to be viciously attacked, narrowly escaping with my life...

baseball fight! (the beer pour misunderstanding)

Lessons learned from halloween (a report on why running into glass paintings is hazardous)

An in depth report on why charmander is the best pokemon ever!

...and prolly some other things

Important Moving In / Daylight Savings Time News

So I just moved into my tiny apartment in the city so I can start my new job on Monday.

Obviously I am a very important guy with very pressing matters on my mind.

Namely:


OFFICIAL PETITION TO REMOVE RUFIO AS LEADER OF THE LOST BOYS

Dear Fellow Lost Boys,

Times have been good `tis true. They have also been splendid. But cannot times be better? Are we forced to measure these times under the leadership of Rufio with adjectives? What of verbs, I ask you. I always thought if I was leader the times would be glitter.

So it is with the wish of future glory in mind that I call for a general election (Topical reference to American Election on Tuesday +300 Points)

Yes, an election for the leadership of the Lost Boys. I have as the following my multi-step platform for why Brent would make a much better leader than Rufio Hussein Hook-sama

(Possible reference to Barack Obama`s name? This is all very unclear. Was Rufio of mixed-race in that movie? Does that enhance the reference? He looked kind of Asian I guess....but like a really tanned Asian guy. Uhhh 150 reference points.)

Reason the first: Offical Campaign Chant “Brent, yeah Brent, Brent is the best leader the Lost Boys could have, yeah Brent, `cause he`s the greatest and a real Mav.....erick. Brent!”
Much more catchy than “Ru-fio! Ru-fio! Ru-fio!”

(Wait is that Maverick line a reference to John McCain? Is this supposed to be pro-Obama? Forget this I`m out of here, Love, the Brackets Reference Point-Giver Guy)


Reason B: Our Crocodile Boat has fallen into terrible disrepair under the rule of Rufio. Have you guys listened to that thing? It`s always making these really annoying click-clock sounds. Some of us are trying to sleep on here. Namely, Thud Butt. ZING!!11

{Yes! Finally, it`s Curly-Brackets the Back-up Reference Point Giver`s Time to Shine!! 3 out of 5 stars}

And lastly Reason III: Captain Hook told me if I could lure you all onto his boat as slaves he would give me both a treasure chest and that I could replace Smee as back-catcher on the Pirate Softball Team! Run Home Brent! Run Home Brent!
Um let`s see, fake reason....I need a fake reason....um, I have a comprehensive health care thing that will prevent deaths by being stabbed with swords.....which according to Wikipedia is how Rufio will die. See! I`m caring even to my stupid, fatherless, soon to be enslaved/stabbed opponent.

Remember VOTE BRENT `08!!! YES WE PAN!

{They didn`t have computers in the Peter Pan Universe, nor could they see the future, so that doesn`t make sense.... 0 stars}

[It makes less sense that the blog entry would question itself ]

{Wait.. what, who are you?}

[I`m Square bracket, the bracket reference who gives points to bracket references, now you know how it feels. 1 out of 5 brackets]

Exactly 500 Words on Nineteenth Century High Fashion

A Historical Account of High Fashion (1800-1899)
For: Professor Gillian McClellan
By: Brent Wilson
University of Viridian City
Course MGH314

While universally adored today, many don't know the origin of the haute couture look known as the "neckbeard". Recent archaeological discoveries have placed the neckbeard back to the time of the Sumerians (present day Oakville), but the facial hairstyle takes it etymogical roots from Confederate General Arbok Beardneck from the Nineteenth Century American Civil War.

Beardneck was so consumed by battle preparations that he had time for neither personal grooming nor time to give his fanciful collection of snakes its proper attention. The latter led to the snakes growing unruly and prone to bite, as an aside this led to the naming of a snake like Pocket Monster after him in the popular Japanese Neo Geo Pocket Color Game Pocket Monsters II: Revenge of the Pocket Monsters.

As much as Beardneck was consumed with battle he was also concerned with his lasting legacy.
He foresaw the invention of the moving pictures, and with it the chance to make money on formulaic race-relations movies. As such he sought to have an African-American join his platoon of Confederate troops. When confronted by his superiors with the demand "He's not playing in that game!"

Beardneck was stern in his response "Damn right he's going to play, and we're going to win!"
The movie ends with the African American player winning whatever the Nineteenth Century War equivalent of the Heisman trophy is, after bringing both races together and winning the big game on a last second trick play of some sort.

In actuality Beardneck was turned on by his troops and murdered in his tent on Sept. 13, 1862.
The African-American escaped to sweet freedom and his grandson was the first black polo player fighting against the odds facing a prejudiced all white polo society (Wait...has polo been done yet? Must...get...agent...on.. phone quickly. I'll call it The Ride to Freedom)

Beardnecks gravestone reads "You guys will see, that will make an awesome movie....or at least a very profitable one." History has vindicated Beardneck, so whenever you see a portly fellow sporting a Neckbeard don't turn away or mock him. Embrace the spirit of Arbok Beardneck who has brought this great country so much, and aside from money and a legacy asked for so little.

And one more sentence brings it to exactly 500 words, right now. Now.

Blog-iatus

I've read all your angry imaginary e-mails and comments about lack of content...and all I can say is "YOU WILL TAKE WHAT YOU GET AND YOU WILL LIKE IT!!!"

With Ryan moving into a new place sans internet due to various "child porn being traced to the landlord concerns", and with my losing my mind over the Blue Jays teasing me with a ten game win streak we're far too busy this week to update.

That doesn't mean we don't care. I care so much it hurts.

Oh Lord! Why must we hurt the ones we hit?

I Went to the Ex, yeah.

I have always contended that the CNE is lame, and that I would never, ever, EVer, EVER, EVAR go to such an event.

I feel strongly that agricultural fairs are an antiquated system of fun deliverance and are obsolete in a much more modern world full of talking picture frames and rapping video games. (X2 JOKE MULTIPLIER FOR RHYMING)

(-700 JOKE POINTS FOR JOKE REPEATING)

....and also those midway basketball hoops are nowhere near regulation size.

So it was with great trepidation that I agreed to go this week. Knowing that I had often stated "I am never going to the Ex." and "If you see me at the CNE feel free to push me into various fountains" I knew I needed a disguise of some sort. Something that people who know me would know I would never wear. Luckily the Little League World Series sent me a blessed idea from the heavens that arrived on an oversized, ugly, un-brimmed chariot.

That's right a flat brimmed gigantic 5950 baseball cap. I'm shuddering just remembering having to glop it onto my head. The beads are not part of the disguise, I just happened to be able to amass them from the Mardi Gras parade due to my awesome rack, ability to shout "BEADS!", and the fact that I have longer arms than children and old ladies.

The squintyness was not part of the disguise either, it was just really bright or something.
I also like how I have smile lines on my cheeks and that my lips are kinda curled into a smile, but nothing on the rest of my face indicates happiness....I couldn't even fake that I liked the Ex.

But it wasn't all bad, apart from feeling bad for all the gigantic livestock wandering around we also got to go to the farm pavilion and see some farm animals (zing! Take that fat people, I know you're not used to being made fun of, but someone had to say it), farm animals who apparently think I smell like something they enjoy smelling.


Thank god there is no pictoral evidence of when they started butting heads and scared me and made me scream like a lady.

The other part where I had fun was when me and my friends were all like "Do you think those firemen will spray us if we ask nicely?" And then we all giggled and ran up to them and jumped up and down and yelled "spray me! spray me! I bet you can't spray me!" And then they sprayed us, and it was soooo much fun.
And that was pretty much it, apart from a terrible dog show, and waiting in line but never getting to play Rock Band, or eat a Bison Burger

Final Brent Grade for CNE: 2 stars out of 5.

Then on the way home the 427 was closed so I had to take highway 27 instead, on the long country roads I could actually see the stars through my moon-roof, they were very pretty.

Final Brent Grade for Stars: 4 CNE's out of 5.

Tales From Work: A Case Of The Mondays

I realize it's tuesday, but this story happened yesterday and I was too busy playing my new favourite game onslaught and trying to contact the building manager / a plumber, so for ease of writing lets just assume it's monday...

So It's my last week here at the gym, and as many of our imaginary readers have noticed I haven't written a "Tales From Work" installment in quite some time, take this rambling e-mail i received just the other day from an anonymous reader

Dear Ryinandbrant:

what hppened to the "ttales from work" installment? I quite enjyed hearing your veiws aboutr old people such asmyself as well as the wonderful expirements. I apolgise for the typing, but a rcent acident has left me too weak to type with any acuracy...so much rain here, does your gym do rehab?

Well anonymous reader, there's actually a reason why the experiments on tales from work have ceased. In a turn of events that nobody could have ever foreseen, I've actually taking a liking to these old guys, In fact I was going to start a new weekly segment titled "Old People: God's Gift To The World" but as you can see that didn't happen, all because of today...

It started out much like a regular monday. I wrote my usual sports board chock full of errors and waited to see how long it would take somebody to notice that I put ukraine 3rd in the medal standing, and that the headline "hawaii wins little league world series, putting and end to the united states run of 3 straight" doesn't make sense. (nobody did...I don't think anybody reads my sports board)

While I did this I couldn't help but notice one of our members had been in the bathroom for an awfully long time...terrified that he might be dead I was getting up to investigate when he appeared from the bathroom and said "the bathrooms broken" and then continued into the gym area to work out leaving me to investigate what he meant...

unfortunately by "the bathroom is broken" he meant "I just clogged the toilet and made a mess everywhere" I don't really want to talk about anything that happened after that because it makes me cry, lets just say it was a pretty shitty day (pun intended) and I hate old people

...and apparently they can't digest peas.

...and apparently they love them.

Et tu Chuck E?

Now not only is Titanic a giant baked good for kids, but now the Hindenburg is a prominently featured poster at a terrible arcade for kids.

It's posed right like it was before it a'sploded...floating in the air. Just think of all those colourfully drawn people from the poster who burned up. Do you want that imaginary blood on your hands Charles? Our imaginary readership wouldn't take to kindly to a mouse doused in imaginary blood. (X2 JOKE POINTS FOR RHYMING)

Maybe if the Hindenburg had a lying old lady like the Titanic I would be less aghast at this. She lied and stole and threw that necklace into the ocean for this, if an old lady threw a photo locket off the balcony and into the depths of New Jersey I think that would make for a dramatic movie climax as well.

I understand that Titanic was (and my movie idea Hindenburg 2000! would make) a popular and profitable movie...but people remember it actually happened right? This isn't like making a shoot-asteroids at the Earth Armageddon type arcade game. Or a much more serious and boring talking about shooting asteroids at the Earth Deep Impact style arcade/lecture game.

I go to Chuck E Cheese to have fun, these things and terrible games only bring me down, the Head Cheese's (PUN) working there seem to imagine people think of Chuck E Cheese as a terrible casino, with disaster themed slot machines and spider ring prizes.

The only games I like are games that involve balls, skeetball, regular basketball, childrens' basketball, photo-booth ball, hover-ball thing, Ninja Turtles in Time Arcade Ball Game, pushing kids in the ball pit, and of course elderly basketball. Tickets are an ancillary prize to be enjoyed when the winning at everything is done, really I wish that tokens were a redeemable prize where in theory if you sink enough hoops playing oldsketball you could play forever.

Sadly that's not reality, the reality I live in involves Titanic-based tomfoolery and Morgan Freeman narrated asteroid lectures, or maybe even Morgan Freeman Rainy Driving: The Game.

Overweight!

I did it!!!

Last night I officially became overweight* with a meal that would have made Michael Phelps proud...check this out Michael.

appetizers

• Table bread 1/2 loaf with 2 oz. butter.... 403 calories, 46 g. of fat
• Mushrooms Neptune 1 serving (i'm assuming that means the whole platter right?) 380 calories, 31g of fat (and very possibly much. much more)
• Calamari (once again assuming 1 serving means entire platter) 646 calories, 36g of fat
• 1/4 serving of crab and cheese dip...278 calories, 18.6g of fat.
  

Entree

• Keg Size New York Peppercorn Steak...1113 calories, 76.3g of fat
• Garlic Mashed Potatoes...382 calories...22.1g of fat
• Baked Parmesan Tomato...38 calories, 1.7g of fat
  

Other peoples food

Fortunately for me C.J. was sick, and apparently does not like prime rib, and as always my dad filled up on pop, and then overestimated his eating abilities...

• C.J's small prime rib...794 calories, 64g of fat.
• 1/3 of dad's Keg size prime rib...443 calories, 36.3g of fat
• C.J's frizzled onions...138 calories, 7.1g of fat.
• Dad's vegetable medley, 124 calories, 1.2g of fat.
  

Dessert

• Billy Miner Pie (keg size)...884 calories, 36g of fat
• stealthy bite of cj's brownie sundae while he wasn't looking...???
  

Totals: 5,623 calories, 376.3g of fat (not including the keg size extra spicy caesar because no nutritional information was available)

To put that into perspective the average healthy male should consume 2500 calories, and 70-80g of fat in an entire day. I easily doubled the calories, and almost put 5 times the amount of fat in my body in a span of an hour.

hmmm, I just realized this entire blog consisted of me listing my dinner, and had nothing interesting whatsoever...much like brents blog about puns (zing!)** To make it up to you here is a picture of a baby penguin.

*overweight according to the BMI

** your puns were actually pretty good