Ryan wouldn't voluntarily give his blood and all my mosquitoes were dead!
Luckily I had yet still a final, spectacular plan that could not fail. All I had to do was take advantage of Ryan's well-known love of swimming and my well-known hobby of rearing lampreys.
"Ryan, would you like to go to the Ray Twinney Funtime Sports Complex & Swimming Centre with me?"
"Yes, friend. That sounds great."
And so we were off, Ryan took a dip in the pool totally unsuspecting of the dangers awaiting him.
He swam a couple laps, went down the water slide, and looked at, but did not venture to the deepish part of the pool where the diving board is. Then as he was toweling off and getting changed, I chloroformed him and dumped my lampreys onto his prone body!
When he fell unconscious his towel remained cinched at all times, so it is totally not gay that I did this. I would have had to uncinch it, take a glimpse, then try to recinch it to do anythin.........oh wait the lab results from the blended lampreys' is in.
Hmm....according to this Ryan does not have any zombie blood in his body....I guess he was right all along. But wait....that's strange, while his zombiecron levels are zero, his fishiecron levels are off the charts! Ryan is at least 99% fish, which helps explain why he loves swimming and is so good at swimming.
POKEMON RESPONSE: As for my only knowing the first 151 Pokemon my response is simple. There ARE only 151 Pokemon. The rest are lies that were invented by science and I know this because none of them appear in our Holiest of Texts (that Pokedex book CJ has). How would Noah have fit Wailord on the Ark? Or have stopped Pineco from being devoured, because most Pokemon are herbivores and bugs that are pinecones are delicious?
It makes no sense! And like with all religions, we only accept things that make sense.
