Booked the day off work yesterday to watch the major league debut of Canadian Scott Richmond (unless ofcourse you read this blog Wayne, in which case I really did have an ear infection but I'm happy to report that I'm all better now) Unfortunately the TV had other ideas and decided to instead show reruns of poker, which in the end may have been for the best as the blue jays lack of clutch hitting would have angered me and I have been known to take out that anger on anything in range, including CJ, the remote control, and a perfectly good bowl of sun chips.
Back onto Poker...I hate poker, and I don't care what anyone says there is no skill involved, it's just like a game of war, or go fish, or hockey. Not only do I not like poker but I don't like anybody who plays poker. off the top of my head I can only think of those people on the poker commercials, and matts sundin. Matts sundin loves poker, I know this because a google search for "matts sundin loves poker" came back with 6770 hits. (Using this method I also discovered corn flakes kill people, and that pants are made of ghosts)
And in other sports related news...
I beat Carter and CJ in a dunk contest yesterday becoming what I believe to be the first person to ever win a dunk contest while wearing a moustache.
Matts Sundin continues to delay his decision on whether he will play next year, no doubt concerned that playing hockey will cut into his online poker time.
Team Catfish looks to win the cottage cup this weekend in the annual Cottage Softball Weekend Tournament.
And in non sports related news...
Hand sanitizer at front desk develops clog forcing streams of melon scented sanitizer into the face of unsuspecting members causing laughter, false promises to fix it by me.
I reach level 32 in Gemcraft...the cause of my long delay between blog entries
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Saturday, July 19, 2008
A Strongly Worded Reply to A Fellow Blogger
I can explain baby, baby why won't you let me explain?
You see while you were on a week long vacation on the sunny beaches of Canada, I was on a week long vacation on the sunny streets of Canada City. And what a glorious week it was, I went to a Canada City Baseball-Fellows game and watched it from the lower deck instead of the 500 level tickets I paid for, I ate obscene amounts of Mike and/or Ike's, I saw a movie about The Bat Man, but most importantly I went to the Canada City Animal Containment Observatory.
The best thing about the CCACO is that the hungry hungry hippos are contained safely in a pool, that way they can't attack me. Here's a picture!
Just look at how hungry that hungry pygmy hippo looks. And if Ryan was that log (which coincidentally replicates his skinny build exactly)
would I jump in to save the day?
No, hippos are dangerous and highly territorial.
But for the sake of attempting to guilt him I will pretend to say yes instead.
Two other highlights of the visit to the CCACO were staring deeply into a Goliath bird-eating spiders tank to attempt to spot it. I caught a glimpse of yellow hair and thought that must be it, alas it was only a dead chick for the spider to devour.
We also got to see the cute Surinam toad. It was sitting on the edge of its pool and then dropped into the water where it slowly began to do backflips. It kept on backflippin' right to the bottom of the tank where it laid to rest on its back...and then it didn't move, we came back half an hour later but it was still on its back not moving on the floor of the water. So yeah, I saw a Surinam toad die in front of me. I didn't expect that when I decided to go to Canada City.
That's some pretty heavy stuff right? Isn't that a decent excuse for not writing while I was away?
You see while you were on a week long vacation on the sunny beaches of Canada, I was on a week long vacation on the sunny streets of Canada City. And what a glorious week it was, I went to a Canada City Baseball-Fellows game and watched it from the lower deck instead of the 500 level tickets I paid for, I ate obscene amounts of Mike and/or Ike's, I saw a movie about The Bat Man, but most importantly I went to the Canada City Animal Containment Observatory.
The best thing about the CCACO is that the hungry hungry hippos are contained safely in a pool, that way they can't attack me. Here's a picture!
Just look at how hungry that hungry pygmy hippo looks. And if Ryan was that log (which coincidentally replicates his skinny build exactly)
would I jump in to save the day?
No, hippos are dangerous and highly territorial.
But for the sake of attempting to guilt him I will pretend to say yes instead.
Two other highlights of the visit to the CCACO were staring deeply into a Goliath bird-eating spiders tank to attempt to spot it. I caught a glimpse of yellow hair and thought that must be it, alas it was only a dead chick for the spider to devour.
We also got to see the cute Surinam toad. It was sitting on the edge of its pool and then dropped into the water where it slowly began to do backflips. It kept on backflippin' right to the bottom of the tank where it laid to rest on its back...and then it didn't move, we came back half an hour later but it was still on its back not moving on the floor of the water. So yeah, I saw a Surinam toad die in front of me. I didn't expect that when I decided to go to Canada City.
That's some pretty heavy stuff right? Isn't that a decent excuse for not writing while I was away?
A Strongly Worded Letter To A Fellow Blogger / E-Harmony
Really Brent? I came back from my one week vacation from the sunny beaches of Canada to find not a single post last week? Do even know how many angry e-mails I received from angry blog readers this morning? Zero! Our readers were so outraged that in retaliation they didn't bother to write anything either...not even any comments about how I've opened their eyes to the wonderful world of telletubies. Instead I just had 23 e-mails from the e-harmony account I created last friday when i was bored at work...
Which brings me to you E-Harmony...First of all, despite answering all questions with brutal honesty my personality profile is way off...helping others before I help myself? I don't think so, If Brent and I were to go on an African Safari trip and he were to be chased by a hungry hungry hippo, would I risk my life to save his? Defintely not, especially not after the stunt he pulled last week.
A steady personality? I don't think so E-Harmony, I am a volcano of emotion ready to erupt at any moment. I'm like the volcano on that show I watched on Discovery HD last week "supervolcano". My eruptions may be rare but once my magma chamber fills to a certain level even a small eruption could trigger a super eruption covering the entire earth in ash and triggering the next ice age.....(I probably could have come up with a better analogy there)
And finally E-Harmony, how am i supposed to tell if the people you matched me with are fat if I can't see a picture of them? You can say our personalities are "perfectly matched" all you want but I specifically told you that the fitness level of my matches was "extremely important" to me and I can't tell unless I see a picture. Also 59.95 for one month? really? Now I'll never know if me and Jaclyn, 22 from London are soul mates. She describes herself as easy-going, loyal, and funny. She's a cook who claims to have a passion for food and a "great sence of humour" (I can look past her poor spelling) but has her passion for food gone too far? Because that is something I can't look past, and a picture is the only way for me to judge that.
Which brings me to you E-Harmony...First of all, despite answering all questions with brutal honesty my personality profile is way off...helping others before I help myself? I don't think so, If Brent and I were to go on an African Safari trip and he were to be chased by a hungry hungry hippo, would I risk my life to save his? Defintely not, especially not after the stunt he pulled last week.
A steady personality? I don't think so E-Harmony, I am a volcano of emotion ready to erupt at any moment. I'm like the volcano on that show I watched on Discovery HD last week "supervolcano". My eruptions may be rare but once my magma chamber fills to a certain level even a small eruption could trigger a super eruption covering the entire earth in ash and triggering the next ice age.....(I probably could have come up with a better analogy there)
And finally E-Harmony, how am i supposed to tell if the people you matched me with are fat if I can't see a picture of them? You can say our personalities are "perfectly matched" all you want but I specifically told you that the fitness level of my matches was "extremely important" to me and I can't tell unless I see a picture. Also 59.95 for one month? really? Now I'll never know if me and Jaclyn, 22 from London are soul mates. She describes herself as easy-going, loyal, and funny. She's a cook who claims to have a passion for food and a "great sence of humour" (I can look past her poor spelling) but has her passion for food gone too far? Because that is something I can't look past, and a picture is the only way for me to judge that.
Friday, July 11, 2008
Blogging From The Past!
Far too early to be creative so instead here's a blog from the past...
If your anything like me there's something that you have to do before you get your day started. Something that if you don't do, it throws your whole day off. for some poeple it's something simple like showering or eating breakfast, for others it might be going to the gym, or reading the newspaper, maybe even watching the sports highlights. But if your anything like me it's watching teletubbies on pbs kids. I've heard some people call teletubbies "a show for babies" but they're wrong, teletubbies can be enjoyed by everyone regardless of age, If you ask me teletubbies is not "a show for babies", but in fact, the perfect show, and here's why...
1) simplicity: you have four characters: tinky-winky, dipsy, lala, and poe. All of them are colour coded and are different sizes, so you'll never get confused, they don't spring random characters on you all of a sudden. You can be confident that when you sit down to watch an episode of teletubbies, you won't see anything other then these four characters (with the exception of the occasional bunny rabbit, and baby in the sun)
2) No plot: How many times has this,or something like this happened to you? Your watching an episode of the OC when you make a comment that you haven't seen marissa in awhile. people give you a weird look and proceed to tell you that marissa is dead. terrible isn't it? but thats what happens on most tv shows with a basic plot, things change. But not teletubbies, nothing ever changes in teletubby land, missed yesterdays episode? doesn't matter, todays episode will have absolutely nothing to do with it.
3) sensory stimulation: there's so many colours, and lots of music, and dancing.
4) educational value: not only will you be entertained beyond your wildest dreams, but you'll learn valuable life lessons. Today for example I found out what a circle looks like, and that sharing can be fun. won't learn that anywhere else.
5) tummy vision: how many so called 'adult shows" have tummy vision? thats right, zero!
Now the only problem with teletubbies is that sometimes when my friends ask me what happened, I can never seem to recall, it's so good that everything just seems to blend together into one enormous happy blur . so today while watching i brought down my notebook, and took somewhat detailed notes on what was happening scene by scene....
The epsidode started like all other episodes, with the theme song, and then that magical fan whirling, and then that speakerphone thingy coming out of the ground and announcing "it's time for teletubbies" the teletubbies then emerge from behind the hills and proceed to introduce themselves in case of the unlikely event that you forgot who was who, or have never seen the show. The teletubbies then join hands and do a poorly choreographed dance though the hills of teletubby land.
The next scene starts with a blank yellow screen, then poe appears, and dances and soon multiplies while the narrator (who has a lovely soothing british accent) counts the number of poe's. This continues until three, then the screen changes to orange and the same thing happens with lala. no sign of dipsy (my favourite teletubby) or tinky winky (my least favourite teletubby)
hooray! dipsy is here in the next scene with poe. They walk in a circular motion dropping different colours of sand where they have walked. In the end they have formed a circle. they stop and look at the circle confused, fortunately the narrator informs them it is a circle. dipsy and poe proceed to say the word 'circle" while giggling. the circle then dissapears and the process is repeated.
Tummy vision time!! on todays tummy vision we peer into dipsy's tummy and see a group of british children making art with coloured sand. I'm concerned with the lack of parental supervision, not so much for the kids sake, but for the arts sake. My fears prove to be true and the final product is substandard.
The next scene is perhaps my favourite of the day. A swing magically appears in teletubby land in front of lala. lala seems unsure of this swing, but eventually conquers any doubts and proceeds to ride the swing. Poe appears soon after and stands beside the swing, swinging her arms in unison with lala's swinging. both of them seem overjoyed. This goes on for awhile until the narrator suggests that maybe lala should share the swing with poe. Lala thinks this is a great idea, and lets poe on the swing, but disaster soon strikes as poe falls of the swing (and by fall i mean get off the swing, spin around a few times, do an odd dance, and fall to the ground...perhaps the least believable fall ever, but i'm not sure i could handle the stress of poe falling for realsies) anyways this continues for her first three times , but then lala shows her how and on her fourth attempt she succeeds. she is a wonderful swinger.
The final scene focuses on some bunny rabbits for a minute, then switches over to the teletubbies who have their arms linked and seem to be playing a game of copy cat. tinky winky does one action and then the others proceed to copy him. this ranges from simple actions such as moving their fingers to very complex actions such as jumping or balancing on one foot. (poe seems to have trouble with the balancing, perhaps the reason she had trouble on the swing) The speakerphone then rises from the ground and announces that it's time for the teletubies to say goodbye. they say there goodbye's then proceed to a jump into the hole where i can only assume they live. thus concluding another incredible episode.
Sunday, July 6, 2008
Continuity
A member of my family got fired from their job because they urinated in the company parking lot during their shift.
Wait a minute, I promised to keep that a secret, this much shorter writing topic has hilariously not worked to my benefit as I intended.
Damn you WishMaster!
I wish I had never stumbled upon your amulet filled tomb.
Wait a minute, I promised to keep that a secret, this much shorter writing topic has hilariously not worked to my benefit as I intended.
Damn you WishMaster!
I wish I had never stumbled upon your amulet filled tomb.
Dear Diary....
...one of these days I'm going to get three wishes granted to me by some sort of specter.
I really hope it's a giant blue one who cracks jokes to me and my monkey pal Abu.
Most of the time when I think about things that will never happen to me it doesn't really affect my life once I'm done plotting how I would avoid certain death, or how I would kick the ninja's throwing stars back at him.
But the scenario where I am granted wishes has. I now avoid saying "I wish..." at all costs, maybe I've been granted limited secret wishes that I don't know about, and if not it's still good practice for when I get real wishes.....although if I do have secret wishes I guess that plan is the worst one in human history if I keep it up.
Everyone knows wishes don't come cheap, maybe it's punishment for cutting off Abu's paw and using it for the illicit wish giving powers monkey paws possess that makes wishes come with a twist.
Or maybe it's just a metaphor to teach morals that doesn't quite work, just like every fairy tale. (Seriously what am I supposed to get out of Jack and the Beanstalk? Trading valuable things for worthless things like beans is...good?!?!?!)
Another terrible consequence is that you can never casually "wish" for something ever again.
I don't know why but I always imagine the same scenario for accidental wishes, I'm walking, I'm tired, I still have quite a ways to go and I had to wear my uncomfortable shoes because I wasn't allowed to bring my other ones just because they smell like I've never worn socks in them. (An unkempt exaggeration, I wore socks in them the first few times I got the shoes a couple years ago.)
"Man I wish my feet weren't so sore" I would surely vent without thinking.
BAM!!!!!!1111!!!1!!!!
A cloud of purple smoke explodes over my feet. "Wh-wh-wh-whaa happened?"
As the smoke clears I get the first view of my new shoes, I dunno they're made of rubies or something, this story got too long and I got lazy.
I wish I had thought of something shorter to write about.
I really hope it's a giant blue one who cracks jokes to me and my monkey pal Abu.
Most of the time when I think about things that will never happen to me it doesn't really affect my life once I'm done plotting how I would avoid certain death, or how I would kick the ninja's throwing stars back at him.
But the scenario where I am granted wishes has. I now avoid saying "I wish..." at all costs, maybe I've been granted limited secret wishes that I don't know about, and if not it's still good practice for when I get real wishes.....although if I do have secret wishes I guess that plan is the worst one in human history if I keep it up.
Everyone knows wishes don't come cheap, maybe it's punishment for cutting off Abu's paw and using it for the illicit wish giving powers monkey paws possess that makes wishes come with a twist.
Or maybe it's just a metaphor to teach morals that doesn't quite work, just like every fairy tale. (Seriously what am I supposed to get out of Jack and the Beanstalk? Trading valuable things for worthless things like beans is...good?!?!?!)
Another terrible consequence is that you can never casually "wish" for something ever again.
I don't know why but I always imagine the same scenario for accidental wishes, I'm walking, I'm tired, I still have quite a ways to go and I had to wear my uncomfortable shoes because I wasn't allowed to bring my other ones just because they smell like I've never worn socks in them. (An unkempt exaggeration, I wore socks in them the first few times I got the shoes a couple years ago.)
"Man I wish my feet weren't so sore" I would surely vent without thinking.
BAM!!!!!!1111!!!1!!!!
A cloud of purple smoke explodes over my feet. "Wh-wh-wh-whaa happened?"
As the smoke clears I get the first view of my new shoes, I dunno they're made of rubies or something, this story got too long and I got lazy.
I wish I had thought of something shorter to write about.
Friday, July 4, 2008
Google Maps Let Me Down Again
I definitely don't live hereBut who does live at 9504, E 63rd St, Raytown MO, 64133? Why does he live in the middle of what appears to be a busy street? And perhaps most importantly where is Wayne? My shift is over in 5 minutes and I can only pretend to be nice to be old people for so long...
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