Dear Diary....

...one of these days I'm going to get three wishes granted to me by some sort of specter.
I really hope it's a giant blue one who cracks jokes to me and my monkey pal Abu.

Most of the time when I think about things that will never happen to me it doesn't really affect my life once I'm done plotting how I would avoid certain death, or how I would kick the ninja's throwing stars back at him.

But the scenario where I am granted wishes has. I now avoid saying "I wish..." at all costs, maybe I've been granted limited secret wishes that I don't know about, and if not it's still good practice for when I get real wishes.....although if I do have secret wishes I guess that plan is the worst one in human history if I keep it up.

Everyone knows wishes don't come cheap, maybe it's punishment for cutting off Abu's paw and using it for the illicit wish giving powers monkey paws possess that makes wishes come with a twist.

Or maybe it's just a metaphor to teach morals that doesn't quite work, just like every fairy tale. (Seriously what am I supposed to get out of Jack and the Beanstalk? Trading valuable things for worthless things like beans is...good?!?!?!)

Another terrible consequence is that you can never casually "wish" for something ever again.
I don't know why but I always imagine the same scenario for accidental wishes, I'm walking, I'm tired, I still have quite a ways to go and I had to wear my uncomfortable shoes because I wasn't allowed to bring my other ones just because they smell like I've never worn socks in them. (An unkempt exaggeration, I wore socks in them the first few times I got the shoes a couple years ago.)

"Man I wish my feet weren't so sore" I would surely vent without thinking.

BAM!!!!!!1111!!!1!!!!

A cloud of purple smoke explodes over my feet. "Wh-wh-wh-whaa happened?"

As the smoke clears I get the first view of my new shoes, I dunno they're made of rubies or something, this story got too long and I got lazy.

I wish I had thought of something shorter to write about.