Oh sure, everyone loves talking about those famous curses.
Like the Kennedy Curse, or like that Egyptian one about that vampire guy, or that popular sporting magazine one. You know, that one where people and/or horses appear on the glossy front page of the magazine....and then directly following appearing on the magazine frontside they perform poorly in their sporting events and/or break their hooves and die. (RIP Barbaro)
Or that famous sporting video game curse wherein the player will appear on the front of the instruction manual and then subsequently will distract me from reading said manual which causes me to lose many games online.
Seriously, as soon as someone tells me the button that shows me how to "not punt on every play" it's a whole new ballgame. You better watch out Slick Richard Dollar Sign Dollar Sign Sixty Nine Ampersand Dollar Sign.
Or the curse of getting easily sidetracked, but today's focus is on Curses that are equally as bone-threatening as those mentioned, but much less publicized.
Firstly, the curse of Kyle and talking to girls!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
It is good to laugh.
Second the more bone-thrilling magazine front curse: THE CURSE OF THE DINOSAUR TIMES
How can losing a sporting event compare to BEING DEAD. After poring through the archives of all of the covers of The Dinosaur Times and cross-referencing them with the current whereabouts of the subjects I came to the following bone-thrashing conclusion: every living thing that ever appeared on the cover of the Dinosaur Times is now tragically dead!
That's right even noted paleontologist Baron Georges Léopold Chrétien Frédéric Dagobert Cuvier (1769-1832) who died in bed at age 62 of cholera. Is nothing sacred to you Dinosaur Times Curse?
Next months cover subject may break the curse though, "New Species of Hadrosaurid Found In Alberta". That sounds hopeful.
And lastly is the Curse of the Tiny Subway Seats.
TTC, what the hell. We can put a man on the moon but we can't make subway seats large enough that comfortably seat a creepy sweaty guy and a cringing, sucked together as tiny horizontally as he can guy?
I used to love casual Friday but now I know all it means is that my short sleeve baremanarms are going to get abused by the dude next to me. The dude who also won't stop licking his lips.
Hey, Watermelon Lipsmackers if I slide myself on over that isn't an invitation for you to spill over the seat line and continue to touch me and take up even more space. It means stop touching me guy.
And do you kids really have to listen to the music in your headphones so loudly?
Or wear your hair so long? That's ridiculous, it's getting in your eyes, you probably can't even see half the time. You're probably wearing it that long to hide those drug eyes you've got going on. I know you didn't think I noticed, but notice I did. You've got the pot squints, the old H-town shuffle going on, and I swear to God if a cop steps onto this subway I am turning you in Buster and there isn't going to be any earbuds in Juvy, you'll be lucky to get Air Buds 1-4 (Air Bud: Seventh Inning Fetch). Or that Crime Dog pilot that Fred McGriff did that Scott was telling me about, that sounded awful. Wait, I'm getting sidetracked again, what was I talking about?
Curses.
Friday, May 15, 2009
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
When's It Gonna Stop Chicago?
The racism towards Native Americans that is...
Now don't get me wrong, I think Chicago's a great city, but enough is enough. I'm sick and tired of sports teams using logo's that are offensive to native americans. Now obviously there are several cities using sports teams with logo's and names depicting native americans, you have the Indians (Cleveland) and the Redskins (Washington). But none of these cities come even close to Chicago.
Let's start with the hockey team, the BlackHawks...
awful isn't it? A decapitated native american head...Back in the day if a native americans head was displayed in a store front it meant it was a place where you could receive money for the scalps of native americans that you had killed. A painful reminder of a horrible time in history, fortunately it's hockey, so I'm not sure anyone has really noticed.
Now let's move onto baseball and more specifically the Chicago White Sox...let's take a look at their logo shall we?
hmm...nothing wrong there right? Just the word SOX written diagonally. Look a bit closer...Do you see it?... Disgusting isn't it? For those of you who haven't noticed let me add a few things so you can see it a bit more clearly.
Do you see it now??? That's right! A one armed skunk wearing a sideways hat setting fire to a tepee! A graphic and chilling reminder that anti-native american sentiments remain strong to this day. Did you know that the number of skunk related tepee fires have stayed the same since this logo came into use? This despite the number of tepee fires decreasing by almost 48% over the same time period. How many tepees must go down in flames before White Sox management smartens up and changes their logo to something more appropriate?
Finally we have the Chicago Bulls of the NBA, one of the most storied franchises in all of basketball, and unfortunately one of the most racist as well. Once again let's take a look at their logo...
"But Ryan, this is just a logo of an angry looking bull, surely there's nothing wrong with it" Oh yeah? Try looking at it from a different angle...specifically upside down!
A Robot on an oddly shaped park bench burning a copy of the Indian Appropriation Act of 1871 with its laser vision!!!!
racism towards native americans, when's it gonna stop Chicago???
Now don't get me wrong, I think Chicago's a great city, but enough is enough. I'm sick and tired of sports teams using logo's that are offensive to native americans. Now obviously there are several cities using sports teams with logo's and names depicting native americans, you have the Indians (Cleveland) and the Redskins (Washington). But none of these cities come even close to Chicago.
Let's start with the hockey team, the BlackHawks...
Now let's move onto baseball and more specifically the Chicago White Sox...let's take a look at their logo shall we?
hmm...nothing wrong there right? Just the word SOX written diagonally. Look a bit closer...Do you see it?... Disgusting isn't it? For those of you who haven't noticed let me add a few things so you can see it a bit more clearly.
Do you see it now??? That's right! A one armed skunk wearing a sideways hat setting fire to a tepee! A graphic and chilling reminder that anti-native american sentiments remain strong to this day. Did you know that the number of skunk related tepee fires have stayed the same since this logo came into use? This despite the number of tepee fires decreasing by almost 48% over the same time period. How many tepees must go down in flames before White Sox management smartens up and changes their logo to something more appropriate?
Finally we have the Chicago Bulls of the NBA, one of the most storied franchises in all of basketball, and unfortunately one of the most racist as well. Once again let's take a look at their logo...
"But Ryan, this is just a logo of an angry looking bull, surely there's nothing wrong with it" Oh yeah? Try looking at it from a different angle...specifically upside down!
A Robot on an oddly shaped park bench burning a copy of the Indian Appropriation Act of 1871 with its laser vision!!!!racism towards native americans, when's it gonna stop Chicago???
Monday, April 6, 2009
RYANANDBRENT UPDATE: RYANANDBRENT NOW INTERNETS MOST PROMINENT RYANANDBRENT
Google it and weep Evansville, Illinois Ryan and Brent, Hellafied Funk Crew Ryan and Brent, Panic at the Disco! Ryan and Brent, and our most hated Ryan and Brent rivals myspace.com/ryanandbrent. You two look ridiculous.
Back on December 5th I complained that we here at Ryanandbrent (Me and Ryan) were only the third most prominent Ryan and Brent on the Internet....which was needless to say an outrage.
How did we make this improbable rise to glory? Through making lots of posts featuring the words Ryanandbrent? Was it because of those stickers I made that say "Google Ryan and Brent and then click on Ryanandbrent.blogspot.com and then read and comment on said blog please, your pals, Ryanandbrent" (I used a small font) that I stuck all over the Royal York Subway Station? Is it because we're just that awesome?
Yes, yes, and yes.
But obviously I would be remiss not to mention the biggest factor, lying to Germans about Gemcraft. Don't worry pals there's plenty more lies to come. I've recently figured out that you can drop your purple stuff onto monster stuff like a bomb, very shortly I will know enough about Gemcraft to actually write a Complete Gemcraft Level 34 Walkthrough.
So what's next for Ryanandbrent? The Senate? Ryan writing something? Stopping the reliance on the crutch that three things is the optimal number of things to list when writing?
Yes, probably not, and never.
Until then....
Guten Tag, ich gebe zu ich war am Anfang entzückt.
Back on December 5th I complained that we here at Ryanandbrent (Me and Ryan) were only the third most prominent Ryan and Brent on the Internet....which was needless to say an outrage.
How did we make this improbable rise to glory? Through making lots of posts featuring the words Ryanandbrent? Was it because of those stickers I made that say "Google Ryan and Brent and then click on Ryanandbrent.blogspot.com and then read and comment on said blog please, your pals, Ryanandbrent" (I used a small font) that I stuck all over the Royal York Subway Station? Is it because we're just that awesome?
Yes, yes, and yes.
But obviously I would be remiss not to mention the biggest factor, lying to Germans about Gemcraft. Don't worry pals there's plenty more lies to come. I've recently figured out that you can drop your purple stuff onto monster stuff like a bomb, very shortly I will know enough about Gemcraft to actually write a Complete Gemcraft Level 34 Walkthrough.
So what's next for Ryanandbrent? The Senate? Ryan writing something? Stopping the reliance on the crutch that three things is the optimal number of things to list when writing?
Yes, probably not, and never.
Until then....
Guten Tag, ich gebe zu ich war am Anfang entzückt.
Thursday, April 2, 2009
It's TRUE
Re: Incredible True Tales, Totally True This Time
From: Aunt Trudy (2cool2Bauntie@hotmail.com)
To:BMFGMAIL-EVERYONE-CA-NIECESANDNEPHEWS-MAILING-LIST
TRUE STORY ALERT
Dear assorted nieces and nephews, I know the following to be a true story. I got the gist of it from Readers Digest and the rest from the INTERNEST, you should let its inspirational plot be an inspiration and completely applicable to your day to day lives, and more importantly absolute proof of our faith. As a further show of dedication you should forward this message to everyone in your e-mail list book or else face spooky bad luck. SPOOOKKYYYY.
In May of 2007, Steve Trachsel went for a hike in New Mexico's famous Carlsbad Caverns, he had such a wondrous hike marveling in God's creation that he lost track of time and his location. Before he knew it he was lost deep in the dark caves. The only thing Steve had to guide him was the light of faith shining from deep in his heart, and also a kerosene lantern.
Steve didn't panic as he knew that God had a plan for him, like he does for all of us, and that he would make it through alright. As he was calmly strolling in his search for the exit Trachsel froze on the spot.
*RATTLESNAKE TAILS NOISE X2*
He struggled to hold his lantern steady as it swung from side to side the lantern sprayed the light all over the place. It's oscillating beams did not let Steve get a good look at exactly where the sound he heard was coming from. What on Earth could that noise be?
*MORE RATTLESNAKE TAIL NOISE AND POSSIBLY SOME HISSING*
Trachsel was finally able to steady himself and point the lantern at the source of the mysterious noise. IT WAS A RATTLESNAKE!!!! The rattlesnake was leering at him from inside a strangely shaped white rock. As Traschel slowly backed away from the snake he realized that the snake wasn't in a skull shaped white rock at all. The RATTLESNAKE WAS IN A HUMAN SKULL.....AND THE HUMAN SKULL WAS CONNECTED VIA SPINAL COLUMN TO A HUMAN SKELETON SEATED ON THE CAVE FLOOR.
Steve was overtaken by fear, he was scared to turn and run worried he would become hopelessly lost if he did so. As Traschel began to feel that all his faith was gone he noticed that the skeleton was cradling something in its arms. IT WAS A HOLY BIBLE: KING JAMES EDITION.
Trachsel edged forward, the snake rattled again but appeared to calm as Steve reached down and grasped the Bible in his hands. Just as Steve lifted the Bible up high the snake lunged forward to stick its teeth into Steve. Not only would this bite really really sting, the rattlesnake would then inject hemotoxic venom through its hollow teeth that causes internal organs to be eaten away from the inside out. REMEMBER God has made all of his creations in his own image.....air-go God is terrifying.
Now it may have been Steve's Supraspinatus muscle, or it may have been divine intervention, but regardless Steve lifted the Bible faster than anyone has ever "lifted a Bible in front of a rattlesnake in the Carlsbad Caverns" the Holy Tome rose right into the path of the Snakes hemotoxins. The Snakes teeth penetrated right through the front cover of the Bible and came to rest on the 14 page right on Genesis 3:15. Steve was spared from the serpents grasp thanks to staying calm, having faith, and lifting the Bible very quickly so the snake didn't bite him.
Huh? How about that symbolism? Of course we all that that Bible verse the snakes teeth came to rest on was about how God cursed the Serpent for doing some pretty lame stuff. That's pretty deep and miraculous isn't it? Well, I certainly am satisfied about the existence of God and the safety of my soul for all eternity after hearing that TRUE TRUTH.
Oh, and much like the prior lost hiker Steve quickly succumbed to dehydration deep in the tunnels.
DON'T STOP BELIEVING
HOLD ON TO THAT BELIEVING FEELING
Aunt Trudy
From: Aunt Trudy (2cool2Bauntie@hotmail.com)
To:BMFGMAIL-EVERYONE-CA-NIECESANDNEPHEWS-MAILING-LIST
TRUE STORY ALERT
Dear assorted nieces and nephews, I know the following to be a true story. I got the gist of it from Readers Digest and the rest from the INTERNEST, you should let its inspirational plot be an inspiration and completely applicable to your day to day lives, and more importantly absolute proof of our faith. As a further show of dedication you should forward this message to everyone in your e-mail list book or else face spooky bad luck. SPOOOKKYYYY.
In May of 2007, Steve Trachsel went for a hike in New Mexico's famous Carlsbad Caverns, he had such a wondrous hike marveling in God's creation that he lost track of time and his location. Before he knew it he was lost deep in the dark caves. The only thing Steve had to guide him was the light of faith shining from deep in his heart, and also a kerosene lantern.
Steve didn't panic as he knew that God had a plan for him, like he does for all of us, and that he would make it through alright. As he was calmly strolling in his search for the exit Trachsel froze on the spot.
*RATTLESNAKE TAILS NOISE X2*
He struggled to hold his lantern steady as it swung from side to side the lantern sprayed the light all over the place. It's oscillating beams did not let Steve get a good look at exactly where the sound he heard was coming from. What on Earth could that noise be?
*MORE RATTLESNAKE TAIL NOISE AND POSSIBLY SOME HISSING*
Trachsel was finally able to steady himself and point the lantern at the source of the mysterious noise. IT WAS A RATTLESNAKE!!!! The rattlesnake was leering at him from inside a strangely shaped white rock. As Traschel slowly backed away from the snake he realized that the snake wasn't in a skull shaped white rock at all. The RATTLESNAKE WAS IN A HUMAN SKULL.....AND THE HUMAN SKULL WAS CONNECTED VIA SPINAL COLUMN TO A HUMAN SKELETON SEATED ON THE CAVE FLOOR.
Steve was overtaken by fear, he was scared to turn and run worried he would become hopelessly lost if he did so. As Traschel began to feel that all his faith was gone he noticed that the skeleton was cradling something in its arms. IT WAS A HOLY BIBLE: KING JAMES EDITION.
Trachsel edged forward, the snake rattled again but appeared to calm as Steve reached down and grasped the Bible in his hands. Just as Steve lifted the Bible up high the snake lunged forward to stick its teeth into Steve. Not only would this bite really really sting, the rattlesnake would then inject hemotoxic venom through its hollow teeth that causes internal organs to be eaten away from the inside out. REMEMBER God has made all of his creations in his own image.....air-go God is terrifying.
Now it may have been Steve's Supraspinatus muscle, or it may have been divine intervention, but regardless Steve lifted the Bible faster than anyone has ever "lifted a Bible in front of a rattlesnake in the Carlsbad Caverns" the Holy Tome rose right into the path of the Snakes hemotoxins. The Snakes teeth penetrated right through the front cover of the Bible and came to rest on the 14 page right on Genesis 3:15. Steve was spared from the serpents grasp thanks to staying calm, having faith, and lifting the Bible very quickly so the snake didn't bite him.
Huh? How about that symbolism? Of course we all that that Bible verse the snakes teeth came to rest on was about how God cursed the Serpent for doing some pretty lame stuff. That's pretty deep and miraculous isn't it? Well, I certainly am satisfied about the existence of God and the safety of my soul for all eternity after hearing that TRUE TRUTH.
Oh, and much like the prior lost hiker Steve quickly succumbed to dehydration deep in the tunnels.
DON'T STOP BELIEVING
HOLD ON TO THAT BELIEVING FEELING
Aunt Trudy
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Local Blog Writer Has Headline Submissions Rejected by Fake News Comedy Site For "Not Being Funny", Shows List to Imaginary Readers Instead
I hope you don't mind competition "Unnamed Stupid Website" because these zingers will certainly steal your entire readership and bankrupt your company and then you'll have to write applications to write for me. And then I'll be the bigger man and hire all of you and be nice.....for about a week just to get to know your darkest fears to use them against you, and also to get to know your significant others and sleep with them on your respective Anniversaries. Here's step one of that plan, unveil awesome headlines to world.
Leopard Changes Spots, Still Huge Jerk
Scientists Claim Global Warming To End Weather, Every Old Person In World Left With Nothing To Talk About
Stereotypical Asian Health Action Figure Company With Poor English Translation Skills Puzzled By Low Third Quarter Sales. Hope "A Doll Fit Lir! N" To Have Strong Hanukkah Season.
The Onion Lame, Brent's Headlines Totally Funny and Concise Claims Entire Worlds Population.
Guy Everyone Hates Ironically Murdered In Hate Crime
President of Kamchatka Shocked To Learn "Risk" Game Board Not Accurate World Map, Calls Purple Horses and Cannons Back From Irkutsk's Border
Local Man With Chris Hansen Fetish Disappointed To Find That 14 Year Old Boy In Speedo He Met Online Is Actually 14 Year Old Boy In Speedo
Onions Make People Cry Due to Sulfuric Acid, Or Mean Rejection Letters, Not Due To Laughter Like Brent Makes Us
Nigerian Prince Confused As Electronic Philanthropic Efforts Are Miserable Failure
Coyote Preys On Roadrunner in Front of California Primary School, Destroys Childhood Innocence.
Writing Every Word To Start With A Capital Letter Makes My Head Hurt, Maybe I Actually Wasn't Cut Out For This And Getting Shut Down Was A Blessing In Disguise
Local Blog Writer Quickly Rationalizes Rejection In An Attempt To Keep Soul From Getting Trampled At Losing Life Long Dream
Leopard Changes Spots, Still Huge Jerk
Scientists Claim Global Warming To End Weather, Every Old Person In World Left With Nothing To Talk About
Stereotypical Asian Health Action Figure Company With Poor English Translation Skills Puzzled By Low Third Quarter Sales. Hope "A Doll Fit Lir! N" To Have Strong Hanukkah Season.
The Onion Lame, Brent's Headlines Totally Funny and Concise Claims Entire Worlds Population.
Guy Everyone Hates Ironically Murdered In Hate Crime
President of Kamchatka Shocked To Learn "Risk" Game Board Not Accurate World Map, Calls Purple Horses and Cannons Back From Irkutsk's Border
Local Man With Chris Hansen Fetish Disappointed To Find That 14 Year Old Boy In Speedo He Met Online Is Actually 14 Year Old Boy In Speedo
Onions Make People Cry Due to Sulfuric Acid, Or Mean Rejection Letters, Not Due To Laughter Like Brent Makes Us
Nigerian Prince Confused As Electronic Philanthropic Efforts Are Miserable Failure
Coyote Preys On Roadrunner in Front of California Primary School, Destroys Childhood Innocence.
Writing Every Word To Start With A Capital Letter Makes My Head Hurt, Maybe I Actually Wasn't Cut Out For This And Getting Shut Down Was A Blessing In Disguise
Local Blog Writer Quickly Rationalizes Rejection In An Attempt To Keep Soul From Getting Trampled At Losing Life Long Dream
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Ask Brent! A Ryanandbrent German Gemcraft Related Mailbag
Threatening to kill my fish didn't do it. Appealing to your Kyle(and friends of Kyle) murdering sensibilities didn't do it either. But by god I'll find a way to get all of you Gemcraft-loving Germans to give back to this blog that has given you so much. I thought you guys loved killing living beings, but I guess this is the first time stereotypes have ever proven to be false.
GERMAN STEREOTYPE 2: They love recognition. It's a fact. To take advantage of this proven fact, and ironically to continue my pathetic pandering for comments (maybe I'm part German) I've decided to respond to every comment we get from Germany with a post in mailbag format.
That's right Fritz, after you go to google.de, search for Gemcraft tips and find this award nominated blogs (We're up for best new blog in the 2009 Bloggies!) all you need to do is comment and I will answer your burning questions.
Ever wanted to know why I was unjustly banned from the Ray Twinney Complex? Or if I think a tornado could really pluck all the feathers off of a chicken? Well then just ask German word for friend, and get all the attention and warmth your murderous sprees and detached father couldn't provide.
As fate would have it our good German friend Martin Vee left me the following mailbag question on January 7th on the post "So...I'm Pretty Good at Gemcraft."
Dear Brent, (added by editor)
Great question Martin! One we get all the time. Ryan and I first met in 1990 when I moved two doors down from his house, and we were forced to become friends because we were the same age. Thanks for writing, hope everything is going well in Frankfurt.
Your idol, Brent.
GERMAN STEREOTYPE 2: They love recognition. It's a fact. To take advantage of this proven fact, and ironically to continue my pathetic pandering for comments (maybe I'm part German) I've decided to respond to every comment we get from Germany with a post in mailbag format.
That's right Fritz, after you go to google.de, search for Gemcraft tips and find this award nominated blogs (We're up for best new blog in the 2009 Bloggies!) all you need to do is comment and I will answer your burning questions.
Ever wanted to know why I was unjustly banned from the Ray Twinney Complex? Or if I think a tornado could really pluck all the feathers off of a chicken? Well then just ask German word for friend, and get all the attention and warmth your murderous sprees and detached father couldn't provide.
As fate would have it our good German friend Martin Vee left me the following mailbag question on January 7th on the post "So...I'm Pretty Good at Gemcraft."
Dear Brent, (added by editor)
Great question Martin! One we get all the time. Ryan and I first met in 1990 when I moved two doors down from his house, and we were forced to become friends because we were the same age. Thanks for writing, hope everything is going well in Frankfurt.
Your idol, Brent.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
I'll be honest with you...I made fun of these girls at first. But then I started thinking...this is exactly my reaction if the Blue Jays were in the World Series, Game 7, Bottom of the 9th, up by 1, and B.J. Ryan were to give up a game winning home run.
Just replace these 12 year old girls wearing David Archuletta shirts, with grown men, decked out in Blue Jays apparel (and possibly sporting playoff beards) and you pretty much have the idea...The only difference being that after we were done crying and my mom had tried to console us, we would most likely have gone on a rampage involving heavy drinking, breaking things, and a poorly thought out plot to murder B.J. Ryan, which likely would end up with us in Jail.
After closer inspection of this video, I'm not sure all of these girls share the genuine devastation felt by the girl in the middle. I'm talking about you girl on the far right with the generic "american idol" shirt, and overweight girl in the back who was probably only invited because her mom is friends with the other girls moms.
Look...girl on the right pretends to be shocked at first, but soon after is actually smiling, I think we have a closet David Cook fan on our hands (don't worry girl on the right, I am too, he's so dark and dreamy) And as for overweight girl...her loud screams are clearly only a failed attempt at trying to fit in with these girls. perhaps a more effective method would be to stop eating so much...maybe go the gym every now and then.
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Problem Solving
Dammit Brent! i wanted the first post of 2009...You can only imagine my disappointment after logging on last night to write my "first blog of 2009" entry, only to find your post about kyle standing closer to fires. And while I do agree with your stance, I have to pretend to be nice to kyle for the next 8 days because he invited me to the raps game next Sunday.
Fortunately A new problem arose yesterday that was blog worthy...
Ever since we moved into our little downtown apartment, we've had a host of minor problems...radiators not working, radiators working too well, no hot water, clogged drains, etc... and we always just assumed it was because it was an old building...until yesterday.
yesterday my lovely roomate was diagnosed with shingles, (a disease that as far as I knew, was only for old people) how could this happen? It was then i realized the only explanation for all these problems was that we had a ghost. A radiator breaking, hot water hogging, shingles giving ghost.
At the same time I was becoming increasingly concerned with global warming...which is when I thought to myself "what if there was a way to solve both these problems?" And at that very moment the idea struck me...Ghost Power!!!
unlike many forms of energy currently in use, ghost power is a 100% clean source of energy. In addition to this it is completely renewable and powerful. did you know that one medium sized ghost can provide enough energy to power a small city for 17 days?
As an added bonus, houses that were previously unsellable due to haunting concerns now skyrocket in value, ending the real estate crisis in the states, and thus ending the depression.
And there you have it...global warming, the depression, and my apartment concerns all solved with one solution.
Friday, January 23, 2009
Several Reasons Why Kyle Should Stand Nearer to Fires
1) Ooh that's nice and toasty isn't it? Especially on such a blustery winter's eve, am I right Kyle?
2) Yeah, I actually got it started right before you got here that's why it's so nice. Everyone knows the best part of a fire is the second fifth, after the newspaper is burnt but before perfect Kyle-singeing.....I mean marshmallow roasting time.
3) How did I learn to start such great fires? Oh, I don't know, a little something called Survivorman. Did you know that all you need to start a blaze is some hard work, a little know how, several matches, newspaper, wood, gasoline, a fire pit, and a barbeque lighter after neither matches nor a regular lighter work?
4) Oh no! I dropped my very special locket that my Grandmother from Croatslavia gave to me on....ummm....my deathbed. Kyle, won't you be a dear and turn your back to me, bend over and pick it up? It fell right past that switch that activates the trap-slide into the fire.
5) What? Oh, silly me! You're right that is a Tamagotchi not the locket that Gramma-got-me!!!! Do you get it? Haha! Also that response was completely spontaneous and not a planned out joke in case you figured out my planned out ruse of dropping a Japanese electronic pet within pushing distance of the fire.
6) Hmm, this fake-locket Tamagotchi has a really long strap attached to it...that's weird. Look at how it swings back and forth in time with my voice. Follow it with your eyes Kyle, trace its path back and forth and back and forth and back and forth. And each time it goes your eyes get heavier and heavier. Heavier and back and forth and heavier and back and forth. When I stop talking you will love walking into fire and then not moving. Not walking into fire and not moving will cause you severe stabbing pain. And there are several nostalgic moments from your childhood in the fire as well, and ummm...you have very tactile memories or something that are good for touching...dammit I'm losing it....pull it together Brent.....what did the rest of that "Impress Your Friends with Hypnosis and Then Murder Them While They're Blinded With Being Impressed" pamphlet say? Great he's waking up. What Kyle? Oh yes, dramatic yawn, I am sleepy now as well. Let's get ready for bed I've brought copious amounts of covers this time.
7) Well, I'm ready to get into my jams what about you Kyle? Get those paint-encrusted pants off and let me slide on these PJs I got you. They are a little wet though, I accidentally drug them through nail polish remover multiple times. Come on Kyle, off with those pants.
8) Kyle, wait, come back....I'm not trying to seduce you, I swear! I'm trying to set you on fire for that time we slept together in Guelph and you were a covers-hog! As the Torah says an eye for an eye
FIN
(EDITOR'S NOTE: After reading this over I saw that my pushing Kyle into a fire and laughing as he burned could be interpreted as being an approving nod to the furnaces in Concentration Camps since Kyle is Jewish and I am a renowned member of the National Socialist German Workers Party. This is not the case. This pre-meditated murder is directed as hate speech against Kyle and Kyle alone, he is so scrawny he wouldn't even burn that nicely. This is also very clearly fiction as if I really wanted to burn Kyle I wouldn't need to fool him. I would just overpower him with my relative manstrength. In addition, only very recently did I discover that the National Socialist German Workers Party had an anti-semitic platform, I only joined because I hate homosexuals, Jesse Owens, and the Treaty of Versailles. Until next time "Hail Victory.")
2) Yeah, I actually got it started right before you got here that's why it's so nice. Everyone knows the best part of a fire is the second fifth, after the newspaper is burnt but before perfect Kyle-singeing.....I mean marshmallow roasting time.
3) How did I learn to start such great fires? Oh, I don't know, a little something called Survivorman. Did you know that all you need to start a blaze is some hard work, a little know how, several matches, newspaper, wood, gasoline, a fire pit, and a barbeque lighter after neither matches nor a regular lighter work?
4) Oh no! I dropped my very special locket that my Grandmother from Croatslavia gave to me on....ummm....my deathbed. Kyle, won't you be a dear and turn your back to me, bend over and pick it up? It fell right past that switch that activates the trap-slide into the fire.
5) What? Oh, silly me! You're right that is a Tamagotchi not the locket that Gramma-got-me!!!! Do you get it? Haha! Also that response was completely spontaneous and not a planned out joke in case you figured out my planned out ruse of dropping a Japanese electronic pet within pushing distance of the fire.
6) Hmm, this fake-locket Tamagotchi has a really long strap attached to it...that's weird. Look at how it swings back and forth in time with my voice. Follow it with your eyes Kyle, trace its path back and forth and back and forth and back and forth. And each time it goes your eyes get heavier and heavier. Heavier and back and forth and heavier and back and forth. When I stop talking you will love walking into fire and then not moving. Not walking into fire and not moving will cause you severe stabbing pain. And there are several nostalgic moments from your childhood in the fire as well, and ummm...you have very tactile memories or something that are good for touching...dammit I'm losing it....pull it together Brent.....what did the rest of that "Impress Your Friends with Hypnosis and Then Murder Them While They're Blinded With Being Impressed" pamphlet say? Great he's waking up. What Kyle? Oh yes, dramatic yawn, I am sleepy now as well. Let's get ready for bed I've brought copious amounts of covers this time.
7) Well, I'm ready to get into my jams what about you Kyle? Get those paint-encrusted pants off and let me slide on these PJs I got you. They are a little wet though, I accidentally drug them through nail polish remover multiple times. Come on Kyle, off with those pants.
8) Kyle, wait, come back....I'm not trying to seduce you, I swear! I'm trying to set you on fire for that time we slept together in Guelph and you were a covers-hog! As the Torah says an eye for an eye
FIN
(EDITOR'S NOTE: After reading this over I saw that my pushing Kyle into a fire and laughing as he burned could be interpreted as being an approving nod to the furnaces in Concentration Camps since Kyle is Jewish and I am a renowned member of the National Socialist German Workers Party. This is not the case. This pre-meditated murder is directed as hate speech against Kyle and Kyle alone, he is so scrawny he wouldn't even burn that nicely. This is also very clearly fiction as if I really wanted to burn Kyle I wouldn't need to fool him. I would just overpower him with my relative manstrength. In addition, only very recently did I discover that the National Socialist German Workers Party had an anti-semitic platform, I only joined because I hate homosexuals, Jesse Owens, and the Treaty of Versailles. Until next time "Hail Victory.")
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Complete Level 34 Gemcraft Walkthrough (Subtitle): Now 10% More Helpful to Those in Germany
I have a confession guy who twice visited our blog from Munich, Germany....I don't know how to beat Level 34 on Gemcraft. I don't really know why our blog is so high on a Google search for "Level 34" Gemcraft. German word for sorry.
In fact, the truth is that I gave up on Gemcraft after Level One and then just got Pinkag to fake Brent-related Gemcraft glory with MS Paint. But hopefully this newer Brent-related Gemcraft ruse got you to spend more than the zero seconds you spent on our page last time around....and it would also be nice if it lifted us to number one on Google searches for "Level 34" gemcraft.
This post is the first in an entirely new direction for Ryanandbrent. I'm planning on focusing all of my content on the things that people from around the world use as search terms to randomly pull our page out of the morass of blue link thingies.
Well except for the guy from Nottingham, England who found us through a search for: 14 year old boys in speedos pics....I'm not quite desperate enough yet to purchase a Speedo, wax my body down to hairlessness, and then get Ryan to take pictures of me from the collar-bone down in a Brent-related Pedophile Ruse...although I'm probably closer to that desperation point than you'd think.
Anyway, let's cut to the chase...ATTENTION RANDOM PEOPLE FROM SUCH EXOTIC LOCALES AS KOREA, GERMANY, ENGLAND, THE UNITED ARAB EMIRATES AND NEWMARKET: Look if you're going to stumble upon our blog and find it completely does not suit the needs of what you searched for.... the least you could do is tell us we suck via comments.
To up the ante, I will only feed my new pal Goldy III on days when we receive comments about the 34th Level of Gemcraft from people in Munich.
How do you like that pal! Now not only are you stuck on Level 34 and mana-deprived with various monsters digitally scrolling closer and closer to the part where you lose, but you also now have a non-virtual-ticking-fish-death-starvation-bomb on your conscience as well. Not even the mighty Octagon gem can save you from that.
PS Build sufficient monster killing gems so that your gems kill all the monsters before they reach the end of the level.
Although to reiterate, the real monster you should be concerned with is the monster of "a lack of gratitude to Ryanandbrent." Or as you Munichites like to say "Das FishKillerin."
Friday, December 5, 2008
Brent and Ryan Only Third Most Prominent Ryan and Brent on Internet
It says so right on Google....lowly, lowly, third place on a "Ryan and Brent" Google search. Third out of 8,480 is not too bad I guess, but that is a lot of Ryan and Brents. To avoid any possible confusion, here's a quick primer of the Ryan and Brents we are not.
Fake Ryan and Brent 1 (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8BjuG-Zrt4M)
WE ARE NOT two guys who have pinned their dreams of stardom on hoping that a girl being almost as hot as a real celebrity will overcome the fact that she can't sing or act or remember the words to her song or have a normal name. "Better Off" Miaa Rose? Really? Well I need to take this "Sweater Off" because I am on fire with all of the putdowns I just used on you and your so-called Ryan and Brent. And you should do the same as you have been severely verbally burned. And then I will put my Sweater back on as the door to my tiny balcony keeps coming open and it's cold in my tiny apartment.
It is shocking how similar we look to that Ryan and Brent though....
Fake Ryan and Brent 2 (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1_mjtj-Z18s)
Sigh. WE ARE NOT these guys either. How is this more entertaining than Pokemon Hamlet?.....alright bad example. You know what FR&B2? If using puppets to do a cover of a thirty year old Muppets piece is what it takes to make it to the almost top...well then I guess I'll settle for being number three, since I have a little something called comedic standards.
(Please ignore Pokemon Hamlet)
www.ebay.ca/search/funnierthanotherryanandbrentpuppets. Dammit, zero results, NO! Why did I cut and paste that url here! Oh man, and both my backspace and delete buttons are broken. It's like working on a typewriter here. A typewriter that for some reasons thinks those awful puppets are better than me. And a typewriter that saves my brothers past indiscretions for all eternity.
So those are the only two more famous Ryan and Brents out there....but of the thousands of other losers these are my favorite. WE ARE NOT this Ryan and Brent, but oh how I wish we were. (http://www.200b.org/images/ryanwed/) A photogallery of Ryan's wedding to Lindsay! Brent gets dressed for the wedding in a WalMart parking lot. Ryan gets married in a gymnasium, Brent wears khakis and a plaid shirt. Ryan and Brent are Chicago Bears Superfans with matching custom jerseys, Ryan is awkwardly out of place at a bar, Oh Evansville, Illinois Ryan and Brent, so much like us......Seriously, there's even a Kyle in there. Wait! www.200b.org has it's own website, subtitled "Six Crazy Guys, One Crazy Apartment".
Nothing says crazy guys inhabiting a crazy apartment quite like making signs reminding roommates to clean up, or a photogallery of Ryan and Brent fighting, or even Ryan using gravy as shampoo. It must be a Ryan and Brent thing since these guys look exactly like us as well.
And to sum up the rest of the losers, this Ryan and Brent are NOT members of Hellafied Funk Crew, a live hardcore hip-hop band, editors of The FutureStock Review, the founding members of Panic! At The Disco, or avid cyclists, who have logged thousands of miles on two wheels, and whose vision is to revolutionize cycling apparel as we know it.
Come to think of it, since our readership is almost entirely composed of imaginary people, our standing is probably much higher on the leading imaginary search engine: √(-1)
That is the nerdiest joke in the history of time. I think spending all this time reading about Evansville Brent has somehow caused my brain to meld with his. I'm struggling to distinguish my own memories from his khaki-tinted ones. Oh well, good thing I look awesome in plaid. Congrats on the nuptials Ryan!
Fake Ryan and Brent 1 (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8BjuG-Zrt4M)
WE ARE NOT two guys who have pinned their dreams of stardom on hoping that a girl being almost as hot as a real celebrity will overcome the fact that she can't sing or act or remember the words to her song or have a normal name. "Better Off" Miaa Rose? Really? Well I need to take this "Sweater Off" because I am on fire with all of the putdowns I just used on you and your so-called Ryan and Brent. And you should do the same as you have been severely verbally burned. And then I will put my Sweater back on as the door to my tiny balcony keeps coming open and it's cold in my tiny apartment.
It is shocking how similar we look to that Ryan and Brent though....
Fake Ryan and Brent 2 (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1_mjtj-Z18s)
Sigh. WE ARE NOT these guys either. How is this more entertaining than Pokemon Hamlet?.....alright bad example. You know what FR&B2? If using puppets to do a cover of a thirty year old Muppets piece is what it takes to make it to the almost top...well then I guess I'll settle for being number three, since I have a little something called comedic standards.
(Please ignore Pokemon Hamlet)
www.ebay.ca/search/funnierthanotherryanandbrentpuppets. Dammit, zero results, NO! Why did I cut and paste that url here! Oh man, and both my backspace and delete buttons are broken. It's like working on a typewriter here. A typewriter that for some reasons thinks those awful puppets are better than me. And a typewriter that saves my brothers past indiscretions for all eternity.
So those are the only two more famous Ryan and Brents out there....but of the thousands of other losers these are my favorite. WE ARE NOT this Ryan and Brent, but oh how I wish we were. (http://www.200b.org/images/ryanwed/) A photogallery of Ryan's wedding to Lindsay! Brent gets dressed for the wedding in a WalMart parking lot. Ryan gets married in a gymnasium, Brent wears khakis and a plaid shirt. Ryan and Brent are Chicago Bears Superfans with matching custom jerseys, Ryan is awkwardly out of place at a bar, Oh Evansville, Illinois Ryan and Brent, so much like us......Seriously, there's even a Kyle in there. Wait! www.200b.org has it's own website, subtitled "Six Crazy Guys, One Crazy Apartment".
Nothing says crazy guys inhabiting a crazy apartment quite like making signs reminding roommates to clean up, or a photogallery of Ryan and Brent fighting, or even Ryan using gravy as shampoo. It must be a Ryan and Brent thing since these guys look exactly like us as well.
And to sum up the rest of the losers, this Ryan and Brent are NOT members of Hellafied Funk Crew, a live hardcore hip-hop band, editors of The FutureStock Review, the founding members of Panic! At The Disco, or avid cyclists, who have logged thousands of miles on two wheels, and whose vision is to revolutionize cycling apparel as we know it.
Come to think of it, since our readership is almost entirely composed of imaginary people, our standing is probably much higher on the leading imaginary search engine: √(-1)
That is the nerdiest joke in the history of time. I think spending all this time reading about Evansville Brent has somehow caused my brain to meld with his. I'm struggling to distinguish my own memories from his khaki-tinted ones. Oh well, good thing I look awesome in plaid. Congrats on the nuptials Ryan!
Thursday, November 13, 2008
The Viridian City Pokemon Players Present: The Tragedy of Hamlet, Prince of Denmark
ACT IV SCENE II. Another room in the castle.
Enter HAMLET
HAMLET
Safely stowed.
ROSENCRANTZ: GUILDENSTERN:
[Within] Pikachu! Pika-Pika!
HAMLET
What noise? who calls on Hamlet?
O, here they come.
Enter ROSENCRANTZ and GUILDENSTERN
ROSENCRANTZ
Pikachu, Pikaaaaachu!!!
HAMLET
Um, I assume you're asking me what I did with the dead body? Well, I compounded it with dust, whereto 'tis kin.
ROSENCRANTZ
Pikachuuuuuuuuuuuuu, Pika!!!
(A lightning bolt erupts from Rosencrantz' tail, it singes the curtains and gives children in the first two rows seizures.)
HAMLET
(Whispered) Seriously, what's going on, Guildernstern pick up the slack for Rosencrantz.
Guildenstern! The body is with the king, but the king is not with
the body. The king is a thing--
GUILDENSTERN
Jigglypuff jiggaly puff. Jiggaly jigglypuff. Jiggly Jiggly. Jigglypuff Jigglypuff Jigglypuff Jigglypuff.
HAMLET
Forget this, I'm poisoning myself early.
A dead march. Exeunt, bearing off the dead bodies; after which a peal of ordnance is shot off
AND SCENE....
Enter HAMLET
HAMLET
Safely stowed.
ROSENCRANTZ: GUILDENSTERN:
[Within] Pikachu! Pika-Pika!
HAMLET
What noise? who calls on Hamlet?
O, here they come.
Enter ROSENCRANTZ and GUILDENSTERN
ROSENCRANTZ
Pikachu, Pikaaaaachu!!!
HAMLET
Um, I assume you're asking me what I did with the dead body? Well, I compounded it with dust, whereto 'tis kin.
ROSENCRANTZ
Pikachuuuuuuuuuuuuu, Pika!!!
(A lightning bolt erupts from Rosencrantz' tail, it singes the curtains and gives children in the first two rows seizures.)
HAMLET
(Whispered) Seriously, what's going on, Guildernstern pick up the slack for Rosencrantz.
Guildenstern! The body is with the king, but the king is not with
the body. The king is a thing--
GUILDENSTERN
Jigglypuff jiggaly puff. Jiggaly jigglypuff. Jiggly Jiggly. Jigglypuff Jigglypuff Jigglypuff Jigglypuff.
HAMLET
Forget this, I'm poisoning myself early.
A dead march. Exeunt, bearing off the dead bodies; after which a peal of ordnance is shot off
AND SCENE....
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Remember When Ryan Used To Post Things About Stuff...
Yeah that was pretty sweet...
Well not to worry readers! I'm back! and in my blogging absence (blogsence?) I've stockpiled story upon story that will thrill you beyond your wildest dreams...In the coming weeks you can expect such fantastic stories as..
that time i tried to scare a group of canadian geese only to be viciously attacked, narrowly escaping with my life...
baseball fight! (the beer pour misunderstanding)
Lessons learned from halloween (a report on why running into glass paintings is hazardous)
An in depth report on why charmander is the best pokemon ever!
...and prolly some other things
Well not to worry readers! I'm back! and in my blogging absence (blogsence?) I've stockpiled story upon story that will thrill you beyond your wildest dreams...In the coming weeks you can expect such fantastic stories as..
that time i tried to scare a group of canadian geese only to be viciously attacked, narrowly escaping with my life...
baseball fight! (the beer pour misunderstanding)
Lessons learned from halloween (a report on why running into glass paintings is hazardous)
An in depth report on why charmander is the best pokemon ever!
...and prolly some other things
Sunday, November 2, 2008
Important Moving In / Daylight Savings Time News
So I just moved into my tiny apartment in the city so I can start my new job on Monday.
Obviously I am a very important guy with very pressing matters on my mind.
Namely:
OFFICIAL PETITION TO REMOVE RUFIO AS LEADER OF THE LOST BOYS
Dear Fellow Lost Boys,
Times have been good `tis true. They have also been splendid. But cannot times be better? Are we forced to measure these times under the leadership of Rufio with adjectives? What of verbs, I ask you. I always thought if I was leader the times would be glitter.
So it is with the wish of future glory in mind that I call for a general election (Topical reference to American Election on Tuesday +300 Points)
Yes, an election for the leadership of the Lost Boys. I have as the following my multi-step platform for why Brent would make a much better leader than Rufio Hussein Hook-sama
(Possible reference to Barack Obama`s name? This is all very unclear. Was Rufio of mixed-race in that movie? Does that enhance the reference? He looked kind of Asian I guess....but like a really tanned Asian guy. Uhhh 150 reference points.)
Reason the first: Offical Campaign Chant “Brent, yeah Brent, Brent is the best leader the Lost Boys could have, yeah Brent, `cause he`s the greatest and a real Mav.....erick. Brent!”
Much more catchy than “Ru-fio! Ru-fio! Ru-fio!”
(Wait is that Maverick line a reference to John McCain? Is this supposed to be pro-Obama? Forget this I`m out of here, Love, the Brackets Reference Point-Giver Guy)
Reason B: Our Crocodile Boat has fallen into terrible disrepair under the rule of Rufio. Have you guys listened to that thing? It`s always making these really annoying click-clock sounds. Some of us are trying to sleep on here. Namely, Thud Butt. ZING!!11
{Yes! Finally, it`s Curly-Brackets the Back-up Reference Point Giver`s Time to Shine!! 3 out of 5 stars}
And lastly Reason III: Captain Hook told me if I could lure you all onto his boat as slaves he would give me both a treasure chest and that I could replace Smee as back-catcher on the Pirate Softball Team! Run Home Brent! Run Home Brent!
Um let`s see, fake reason....I need a fake reason....um, I have a comprehensive health care thing that will prevent deaths by being stabbed with swords.....which according to Wikipedia is how Rufio will die. See! I`m caring even to my stupid, fatherless, soon to be enslaved/stabbed opponent.
Remember VOTE BRENT `08!!! YES WE PAN!
{They didn`t have computers in the Peter Pan Universe, nor could they see the future, so that doesn`t make sense.... 0 stars}
[It makes less sense that the blog entry would question itself ]
{Wait.. what, who are you?}
[I`m Square bracket, the bracket reference who gives points to bracket references, now you know how it feels. 1 out of 5 brackets]
Obviously I am a very important guy with very pressing matters on my mind.
Namely:
OFFICIAL PETITION TO REMOVE RUFIO AS LEADER OF THE LOST BOYS
Dear Fellow Lost Boys,
Times have been good `tis true. They have also been splendid. But cannot times be better? Are we forced to measure these times under the leadership of Rufio with adjectives? What of verbs, I ask you. I always thought if I was leader the times would be glitter.
So it is with the wish of future glory in mind that I call for a general election (Topical reference to American Election on Tuesday +300 Points)
Yes, an election for the leadership of the Lost Boys. I have as the following my multi-step platform for why Brent would make a much better leader than Rufio Hussein Hook-sama
(Possible reference to Barack Obama`s name? This is all very unclear. Was Rufio of mixed-race in that movie? Does that enhance the reference? He looked kind of Asian I guess....but like a really tanned Asian guy. Uhhh 150 reference points.)
Reason the first: Offical Campaign Chant “Brent, yeah Brent, Brent is the best leader the Lost Boys could have, yeah Brent, `cause he`s the greatest and a real Mav.....erick. Brent!”
Much more catchy than “Ru-fio! Ru-fio! Ru-fio!”
(Wait is that Maverick line a reference to John McCain? Is this supposed to be pro-Obama? Forget this I`m out of here, Love, the Brackets Reference Point-Giver Guy)
Reason B: Our Crocodile Boat has fallen into terrible disrepair under the rule of Rufio. Have you guys listened to that thing? It`s always making these really annoying click-clock sounds. Some of us are trying to sleep on here. Namely, Thud Butt. ZING!!11
{Yes! Finally, it`s Curly-Brackets the Back-up Reference Point Giver`s Time to Shine!! 3 out of 5 stars}
And lastly Reason III:
Um let`s see, fake reason....I need a fake reason....um, I have a comprehensive health care thing that will prevent deaths by being stabbed with swords.....which according to Wikipedia is how Rufio will die. See! I`m caring even to my stupid, fatherless, soon to be enslaved/stabbed opponent.
Remember VOTE BRENT `08!!! YES WE PAN!
{They didn`t have computers in the Peter Pan Universe, nor could they see the future, so that doesn`t make sense.... 0 stars}
[It makes less sense that the blog entry would question itself ]
{Wait.. what, who are you?}
[I`m Square bracket, the bracket reference who gives points to bracket references, now you know how it feels. 1 out of 5 brackets]
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Exactly 500 Words on Nineteenth Century High Fashion
A Historical Account of High Fashion (1800-1899)
For: Professor Gillian McClellan
By: Brent Wilson
University of Viridian City
Course MGH314
While universally adored today, many don't know the origin of the haute couture look known as the "neckbeard". Recent archaeological discoveries have placed the neckbeard back to the time of the Sumerians (present day Oakville), but the facial hairstyle takes it etymogical roots from Confederate General Arbok Beardneck from the Nineteenth Century American Civil War.
Beardneck was so consumed by battle preparations that he had time for neither personal grooming nor time to give his fanciful collection of snakes its proper attention. The latter led to the snakes growing unruly and prone to bite, as an aside this led to the naming of a snake like Pocket Monster after him in the popular Japanese Neo Geo Pocket Color Game Pocket Monsters II: Revenge of the Pocket Monsters.
As much as Beardneck was consumed with battle he was also concerned with his lasting legacy.
He foresaw the invention of the moving pictures, and with it the chance to make money on formulaic race-relations movies. As such he sought to have an African-American join his platoon of Confederate troops. When confronted by his superiors with the demand "He's not playing in that game!"
Beardneck was stern in his response "Damn right he's going to play, and we're going to win!"
The movie ends with the African American player winning whatever the Nineteenth Century War equivalent of the Heisman trophy is, after bringing both races together and winning the big game on a last second trick play of some sort.
In actuality Beardneck was turned on by his troops and murdered in his tent on Sept. 13, 1862.
The African-American escaped to sweet freedom and his grandson was the first black polo player fighting against the odds facing a prejudiced all white polo society (Wait...has polo been done yet? Must...get...agent...on.. phone quickly. I'll call it The Ride to Freedom)
Beardnecks gravestone reads "You guys will see, that will make an awesome movie....or at least a very profitable one." History has vindicated Beardneck, so whenever you see a portly fellow sporting a Neckbeard don't turn away or mock him. Embrace the spirit of Arbok Beardneck who has brought this great country so much, and aside from money and a legacy asked for so little.
And one more sentence brings it to exactly 500 words, right now. Now.
For: Professor Gillian McClellan
By: Brent Wilson
University of Viridian City
Course MGH314
While universally adored today, many don't know the origin of the haute couture look known as the "neckbeard". Recent archaeological discoveries have placed the neckbeard back to the time of the Sumerians (present day Oakville), but the facial hairstyle takes it etymogical roots from Confederate General Arbok Beardneck from the Nineteenth Century American Civil War.
Beardneck was so consumed by battle preparations that he had time for neither personal grooming nor time to give his fanciful collection of snakes its proper attention. The latter led to the snakes growing unruly and prone to bite, as an aside this led to the naming of a snake like Pocket Monster after him in the popular Japanese Neo Geo Pocket Color Game Pocket Monsters II: Revenge of the Pocket Monsters.
As much as Beardneck was consumed with battle he was also concerned with his lasting legacy.
He foresaw the invention of the moving pictures, and with it the chance to make money on formulaic race-relations movies. As such he sought to have an African-American join his platoon of Confederate troops. When confronted by his superiors with the demand "He's not playing in that game!"
Beardneck was stern in his response "Damn right he's going to play, and we're going to win!"
The movie ends with the African American player winning whatever the Nineteenth Century War equivalent of the Heisman trophy is, after bringing both races together and winning the big game on a last second trick play of some sort.
In actuality Beardneck was turned on by his troops and murdered in his tent on Sept. 13, 1862.
The African-American escaped to sweet freedom and his grandson was the first black polo player fighting against the odds facing a prejudiced all white polo society (Wait...has polo been done yet? Must...get...agent...on.. phone quickly. I'll call it The Ride to Freedom)
Beardnecks gravestone reads "You guys will see, that will make an awesome movie....or at least a very profitable one." History has vindicated Beardneck, so whenever you see a portly fellow sporting a Neckbeard don't turn away or mock him. Embrace the spirit of Arbok Beardneck who has brought this great country so much, and aside from money and a legacy asked for so little.
And one more sentence brings it to exactly 500 words, right now. Now.
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... but I'm not impressed. You're using Internet Explorer. :)
Seriously, you're good! I'm almost done with the game, but I haven't reached level 40... then again, I don't have as much glowing frames as you do.
Hmm... Should try to get 'em all.
January 7, 2009 8:15 AM