I wanted to write a post about the Jay's glorious extra inning win last night over the Mariners, but unfortunately the baseball gods had other ideas...so instead here's something I wrote several years ago...
I've never really caught on to the whole axe thing (you know the deoderant spray) but I was going through my spongebob mini garbage can the other day (where I keep my random stuff) and I realized I have like 7 cans of it, and I figured well I might as well put this stuff to use. So over the past week I have sampled the various scents and spray techniques in order to better understand the axe phenomenon.
Monday: Today I sampled "pheonix" the axe website describes this scent as a "bold and maverick scent" which confused me so I went to dictionary.com where it described maverick as "un unbranded cow, or other range animal who is separated from it's mother) Why I would want to smell like that also confused me, but i suppose that cowboys probably smell like that, and if there's one thing in life i've learned it's that cowboys are sexy. I used the "T" spraying technique (across the chest and down the middle) I suppose i kinda smelled like a cowboy, one that was drenched in cheap deoderant spray, but a cowboy nevertheless. I was feeling confident...but maybe a little too confident, and that night I was walking to the lcbo when a wave of bravery came over me, i promptly looked up at the sky and challenged any aliens out there that they couldn't get me (i'm deathly afraid of aliens by the way) I'm not sure if the axe wore off right then, but i immediately realized what I had done and promptly turned around, ran back inside the house, and buried myself under the covers.
Tuesday: Still nervous from last nights happenings and a lack of sleep, I decided to go with "Orion" who apparently was the ancient god of hunting. Sounds like someone aliens wouldn't want to mess with! I also switched up my spray technique to a basic circle. The combination proved to be a resounding success, not only did I not get abducted by aliens, but i actually talked to a girl....on msn.
Wednesday: Despite the thrilling success of Tuesday I wanted more, it was time to pull out the big guns, Axe unlimited, a scent rumored by the Axe website to give me unlimited power. And if that wasn't enough I changed my spray technique from the basic circle to the the five pillars of Islam! With this combination I had enough confidence to leave the house for the first time since Monday's little incident. I started my day by going to the grocery store because I was out of soy milk, and that's when the power of unlimited first began to show. I was walking by the bank on the way to ultra when this guy was coming out of the bank and he was holding the door open for me, and even though I wasn’t going in the bank I went in anyways because I was afraid he would hurt me. I then stood there awkwardly for a few seconds then pretended to look at my watch and ran home to play Pokemon...what a glorious day, i finally caught a pikachu!
Thursday: Woke up feeling great. The last two days had been successful beyond my wildest dreams. I began today by watching David Blaine and I was inspired by him because he was able to stand on that pillar for like a day and a half to really test his limits and see what he is really capable of. So I decided that this morning I would test my limits just like blaine so I planned on standing at the curb at the end of my driveway for as long as possible. I ran upstairs and sprayed on some axe (went with pulse today, it apparently will get me in the rhythm, and balance and rhythm are pretty much the same thing) and to enhance my balance further I just used one long straight line down my middle. anyways things were going great until I saw two guys with G-Unit hats walking towards me and I had to go inside.
Friday: I had been saving a special scent for Friday...thats right, clix, the new scent endorsed by the super sexy and talented nick lachey, if it's good enough for him it's good enough for me. To make the day even more exciting I actually had a pitch counter that I could walk around with, just like in the commercial. But first I had to judge what should constitute a "click". In the commercial they "click" everytime a girl gives them a sexy stare, but my pitch counter only went to 999, and I can only assume that on an average day I far exceed that. So I decided that i would "click" every time a girl initiated a conversation with me. Final tally for Friday...1 (thank god my mom called).
Final Thoughts: Overall I would have to say it was a pretty typical week for me. But if I had to judge the most effective scent I would have to go with "orion" and as for spray technique, i figure my best bet would be to spray it directly into a girls eye and then kidnap them while they are disoriented.
On tap for this weekend: I have the whole house to myself this weekend, so as any typical 19 year old university would do I plan on building a fort, getting into my spongebob jammies, and going from there...
Monday: Today I sampled "pheonix" the axe website describes this scent as a "bold and maverick scent" which confused me so I went to dictionary.com where it described maverick as "un unbranded cow, or other range animal who is separated from it's mother) Why I would want to smell like that also confused me, but i suppose that cowboys probably smell like that, and if there's one thing in life i've learned it's that cowboys are sexy. I used the "T" spraying technique (across the chest and down the middle) I suppose i kinda smelled like a cowboy, one that was drenched in cheap deoderant spray, but a cowboy nevertheless. I was feeling confident...but maybe a little too confident, and that night I was walking to the lcbo when a wave of bravery came over me, i promptly looked up at the sky and challenged any aliens out there that they couldn't get me (i'm deathly afraid of aliens by the way) I'm not sure if the axe wore off right then, but i immediately realized what I had done and promptly turned around, ran back inside the house, and buried myself under the covers.
Tuesday: Still nervous from last nights happenings and a lack of sleep, I decided to go with "Orion" who apparently was the ancient god of hunting. Sounds like someone aliens wouldn't want to mess with! I also switched up my spray technique to a basic circle. The combination proved to be a resounding success, not only did I not get abducted by aliens, but i actually talked to a girl....on msn.
Wednesday: Despite the thrilling success of Tuesday I wanted more, it was time to pull out the big guns, Axe unlimited, a scent rumored by the Axe website to give me unlimited power. And if that wasn't enough I changed my spray technique from the basic circle to the the five pillars of Islam! With this combination I had enough confidence to leave the house for the first time since Monday's little incident. I started my day by going to the grocery store because I was out of soy milk, and that's when the power of unlimited first began to show. I was walking by the bank on the way to ultra when this guy was coming out of the bank and he was holding the door open for me, and even though I wasn’t going in the bank I went in anyways because I was afraid he would hurt me. I then stood there awkwardly for a few seconds then pretended to look at my watch and ran home to play Pokemon...what a glorious day, i finally caught a pikachu!
Thursday: Woke up feeling great. The last two days had been successful beyond my wildest dreams. I began today by watching David Blaine and I was inspired by him because he was able to stand on that pillar for like a day and a half to really test his limits and see what he is really capable of. So I decided that this morning I would test my limits just like blaine so I planned on standing at the curb at the end of my driveway for as long as possible. I ran upstairs and sprayed on some axe (went with pulse today, it apparently will get me in the rhythm, and balance and rhythm are pretty much the same thing) and to enhance my balance further I just used one long straight line down my middle. anyways things were going great until I saw two guys with G-Unit hats walking towards me and I had to go inside.
Friday: I had been saving a special scent for Friday...thats right, clix, the new scent endorsed by the super sexy and talented nick lachey, if it's good enough for him it's good enough for me. To make the day even more exciting I actually had a pitch counter that I could walk around with, just like in the commercial. But first I had to judge what should constitute a "click". In the commercial they "click" everytime a girl gives them a sexy stare, but my pitch counter only went to 999, and I can only assume that on an average day I far exceed that. So I decided that i would "click" every time a girl initiated a conversation with me. Final tally for Friday...1 (thank god my mom called).
Final Thoughts: Overall I would have to say it was a pretty typical week for me. But if I had to judge the most effective scent I would have to go with "orion" and as for spray technique, i figure my best bet would be to spray it directly into a girls eye and then kidnap them while they are disoriented.
On tap for this weekend: I have the whole house to myself this weekend, so as any typical 19 year old university would do I plan on building a fort, getting into my spongebob jammies, and going from there...
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